What do you call someone who dresses in red, has a long beard, and says ho ho ho?

A Pimp!

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and ent...

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My boyfriend dresses up as a giant penis for every costume party.

He likes being a dick.

Every year my uncle dresses as Santa Clause for me and my little brother.

Santa is coming really means something different in our family.

I have this friend who dresses up his Labrador in this ridiculous yellow jacket.

What is he blind?

There was once an angel who was very happy with life because she was very beautiful and she always got to wear pretty, perfect dresses.

One day, when she ran out of clothes to wear, she decided to wash them. When she took her dresses out of the washing machine, she noticed several small pieces of fibre were just stuck randomly on her pieces of dressing.

This incident absolutely traumatized her. She was always known for how pe...

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size

A man goes to church by himself one Sunday, leaving his wife at home who had a cold.

Upon his return from church, his wife noticed that he had two black eyes. “What in the world happened to you??”

The man explained, sheepishly, “Well, we stood up for the first hymn and there in the pew in front of me was Sue Ellen. Don’t you know, she was wearing one of them dresses she wears...

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My sister was hired to sew 8 bridesmaids dresses by Saturday. . .

She seamstressed but she’ll get it done. However, her skills are only sew sew.

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I refuse to participate in my girlfriend’s western fantasy, where she dresses up as a cowgirl.

I’m just not a fan of chapped lips.

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