Snoring Jokes - 35 Hilarious Snoring Jokes

“Snoring is just someone bragging about being asleep.”

I can’t take credit for this joke, but I am proud to say I’m married to one of the all time greatest braggers.

Apparently my snoring is so loud that

I scare everyone in the car I'm driving

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Snoring like a bear

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess a...

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you t...

Snoring comes easily to me.

In fact, I can do it in my sleep.

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.

Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."

Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"

Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."

Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"

Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"

My wife recently started snoring, so I decided to use earplugs.

but I can only get one in before she wakes up, turns out she doesn't like it when I shove earplugs in her nose.

The Expensive Snore

A woman was nearing the end of her tether. Every night her husband snored so loudly that it kept her awake.
She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering.
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure...

Disturbance in church

A priest talks to a man who visits church religiously every sunday with his wife. The wife tends to fall asleep during his monologue and starts snoring rather loudly, and he'd like the husband to do something about it. They decide to use a knitting needle, where the husband would poke her when the p...

Snoring

"Doctor, I have a big problem. At night, I sleep so loudly that I wake myself up. What can I do?"

"Well, have you tried sleeping in two different rooms?"

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow. “What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep. “Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.
“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.
“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.
He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.”

- I have two news: a good one and a bad one, which one do you want to hear first?

- Can you do both at the same time?

- Grandpa stopped snoring

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A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, supervised by a few gruff looking nuns.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. The elder nuns insisted that only they would attend to him. The next evening there was a crash and a scream!! The sister ran out the door as fast as she could.

Sister Marry Cla...

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

I found the magic remedy to cure my SO from loudly snoring all night!

I smothered him with a pillow.

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A woman couldn't stand her snoring dog...

so one day she went to the vet to ask what she could do to stop the snoring. The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around his balls, and he will stop snoring. He hands her a red ribbon, and she takes the advice. While the dog is sleeping, she ties the ribbon around his balls. Immediately the dog s...

I've never brought a gal home to my studio apartment.

Part of me is worried that she'll judge me. After all, the place is pretty small.

But the other part of me is worried that she'll get a terrible sleep. Earplugs help, but even then it takes awhile to get used to my dad's snoring.

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The White Ape

A man was driving down the road in the middle of the night when, naturally, his car broke down. There was no one around, but he saw a light up ahead. He walked towards it and soon figured out that it was a farmhouse.
The man knocked on the door, and a farmer answered. "Sir," he said to the farmer...

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

I proved my wife wrong!

So, my wife said yesterday that I have started snoring, and its loud! I didn’t believe it. So, today, I am up all night to see if I actually snore. But nothing so far..
Proved her wrong!

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Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus.

The buseswere running late, and a lot of time passed.
Finally, one woman turned tothe other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my buttfell asleep!'.

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

A little in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

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A woman is tired of her husband coming home drunk every night…

…so she decides to teach him a lesson!

Usually every night plays out the same way. Her husband comes home drunk as a skunk, walks directly to the bathroom to take a after which he makes his way to the bedroom, collapses on the bed and starts snoring like a freight train.

The woman...

Why do black widow spiders kill their partners after they mate?

They can't stand to listen to the snoring.

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Two freinds are sitting on a bench, a deaf elderly woman and a elderly man.

While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.

The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."

They move on and the woman eventually says that ...

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

He woke up due to the noise he made snoring.

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Alf and Doris have been married for 50 years

Every morning throughout those 50 years Alf has woken himself and Doris up by doing the worlds biggest fart. The violent and clockwork nature of Alf’s farting seemed to be an inhuman ability and Doris constantly warned Alf that one day he would fart his guts right out into his shorts.
 ...

My girlfriend suggested we get soundproof walls fitted in our bedroom.

It will stop the neighbours complaining about our snoring.

A new emerging rock band is having its first concert

To be sure that everything goes perfectly the group's manager decides to invite a well known concert critic: If he decided to come and the concert went well, that would've been their occasion to take off in the world of music

Incredibly the critic accepts their offering and is present in his ...

I'm not proud of it but I went out last night & got ridiculously drunk.

I woke up this morning next to a woman who was constantly farting & snoring.
It felt good to know I’d made it home safely.

I always think of my wife late at night.

The thought of her snoring arouses me.

A tired businessman arrives to a hotel in the evening

'I need a room,' he says.

'I'm sorry, all our rooms are occupied,' says the receptionist.

'Dear God, I'm too tired to find another hotel... do you not have a free bed, at least?'

'As a matter of fact, we do. We had to give a double room to a gentleman earlier this week for a few...

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A hunting story.

So three buddies were on a hunting trip in the mountains. It had been an exhausting trip but they had managed to kill a couple of dear and were back at their campsite late at night. One of them was facing the dilemma of answering nature's call or just simply crashing into his sleeping bag for the ni...

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Written on a desk at my school.

Two hunters were walking in the woods. It was starting to get dark, so they decided to head back to camp. The first hunter said to the second hunter, "Go on ahead, I have to take a dump". So the second hunter heads back to camp, and on his way back he shoots a huge deer, and he runs back up the trai...

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