The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised ...
If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.
Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.
Success isn't always valued
The gastrointestinal system's success is a complete human waste.
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was ...
Why is sperm donations are more valued than blood donations?
Because they're hand-made
After Harriat Tudman's face gets put on the $20 bill, it will not be valued as much...
...due to inflation you racist.
The world's richest man is dying...
The world's richest man is dying. He has made peace with that.
But what is bothering him so much is that no one in the afterlife will even know that he has amassed such a colossal personal fortune. On Earth, everyone knows he's a self-made man who built this huge fortune from scratch, but he...
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will. When I took them to be valued I was told they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius
Sadly, they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
A man goes into an antiques dealership carrying a violin and a painting. "Hi. I found these in the loft of the house I've just bought. I'm interested in having them valued with a view to selling them." The owner, duly fascinated takes them into the back to give them the once over.
"Very interesting." he tells the man on his return. "You realise, you've got a genuine Rembrandt and a bona fide Stradivarius here."
"That's wonderful- I'm rich!" exclaims the man.
"Not so fast, son." replies the dealer- "Rembrandt violins are notorious poor quality and Stradivarius co...
My father once told me that the Bible said "spare the rod, spoil the child" as a justification for hitting me
The Bible also had a problem with Wrath, but I valued my life too much to point that out.
Talking dog for sale
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees an old dog just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the dog replies.
"So, what's your ...
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