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Inanimate Jokes

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We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we haven’t seen him for a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

Stop anthropomorphising inanimate objects.

They don’t like it.

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My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad

My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad.

"Quit pissing off the roof. Quit pissing off the balcony. Quit pissing off the diving board."

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I asked my wife "If I was an inanimate object, what would I be?"

She said "a window"

I thought about it for a minute and then said "Is that because I'm transparent, I let the sunshine into your life and shield you from the rain?"

She looked up slowly, smiled and said "No it's because you're a fucking pane"

Never anthropomorphize inanimate objects.

They hate it when you do that.

My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects...

I said “there’s the door”

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My friend, who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, hasn't been around in a while...

I heard he's finally settled down with that one nightstand

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The road was inanimate and couldn't cross the chicken.

Stop saying no to drugs

You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.

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I hate the myth that men will fuck anything with a heartbeat...

I've fucked inanimate objects too!

A man walks in a bar and orders a beer to drink...

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy for talking to an inanimate object.

So I watched a zombie movie recently...

The survivors boarded themselves in an old furniture store. They had a nice camp setup with beds, lounges, workbenches, and thrived for several years. At least until the virus mutated and jumped to inanimate objects. Then the tables turned...

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A young man walks into a lamp post

"Ouch!" the lamp post shrieked. "that was hella painful"

Appalled by what he heard, the young man went all crazy and started running down the streets, where he saw road crossing chickens, stupid blondes, fatherless black kids and an insane number of lawyers, engineers, priests, scientists, do...

Why cant you suprise a snow man?

Because its an inanimate object.

What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender?

A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object.

50 Cent goes to a small town for a concert and meets the mayor.

The mayor, being a fan and trying to be casual, offers to show him around town. Before long, he realizes that 50 cent seems to be a little off, because he is asking the mayor to identify inanimate objects. He points to a sewer, and the mayor says, "Sewer." He points to a streetlight, and the mayor p...

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Signs...

The following are all signs that you are a drunk. They include, but are not limited to...

- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

- Your job interferes with your drinking.

- Your doctor finds traces...

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red hot chili peppers joke (original)

So Anthony Kiedis is hanging out at Flea's house. Flea says he's having trouble hooking up his VCR to his TV and he asks Anthony to take a look at it, to see if he can find the problem.

Anthony gets up and takes a look behind the TV at the wires and cables and whatnot.

"I think the pr...

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