What do Lucy from the Despicable Me franchise and a somebody playing Zork have in common?

They were both eaten by a Gru

What do Gru in Despicable Me call his steaks?

Filet Minons!

I used to hate the minions in Despicable Me.

But they Gru on me.

If you dress up a pug like gru from despicable me

You get a group hug.

Why is Despicable Me’s protagonist so tall?

He Gru

What did Ed Sheeran say when he finished Despicable Me for the 3rd time?

I'm in love with the shape of Gru

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns are summoned by the head priest for committing sins

Priest to the first nun: alright, sister, what was your sin?

First nun: I saw a man's penis today

Priest: hmmm... well these things can happen by mistake, but it is a sin nonetheless! Go wash your eyes in the holy water.

The first nun does so and some giggling can be heard from ...

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I was in a porno cinema the other night.

I hadn’t been there five minutes when some guy started yelling at me: “Oh, you’re a beast, you’re despicable!”

So I said to him: “Listen mate, we’re all here together, you’re just as despicable as I am.” But then other people started chipping in, shouting stuff like “How do you sleep at night...

A sanguine tale

Jake and Ruth were blood analysts in a hospital. Given the proximity of the hospital to the highway, really gruesome motor accidents were quite common. So the hospital decided to house a huge supply of blood for emergencies, and these two were employed full time to analyse blood which they got, and ...

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...

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A guy goes out for some drinks at a bar with a coworker on a Friday night and they get shitfaced...

The guy goes to the bathroom and stumbles back to the bar with puke on his shirt...

"Oh man, my wife ish gonna kill me." he says, "I just puked on my shirt and she's gonna know I was out drinking all night!"

"Don't worry about it," slurs his coworker. "take $20 and put it in your shirt...

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum secu...

Lawyers are like mustard gas

When used by the enemy, it's a vile, dirty, despicable trick.

When used by your side, it's perfectly justifiable.

Albert Einstein's final words

Lying on his death bed at Princeton Hospital in New Jersey, Einstein starts to write letters to his family, friends and work colleagues.

The first letter writes: "To my children, know that I am ready to die. I have lived a good and meaningful life and I wish to fade into what comes next eleg...

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