What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador

Magic trick

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishm...

For my next magic trick ill teach you a Irish accent

Say it with me: Ari Po-er an tha cersed chil'

Bagel Magic Trick

THIS IS REAL MAGIC...An elderly fellow and his neighbor walk into a bakery.

The neighbor steals 3 bagels and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the elderly fellow, "That took great skill and guile to steal those bagels. The owner didn't even see me."

The elderly fellow...

My Uncle did a magic trick today.

He turned a six pack of beer into domestic home violence.

A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick. He said, “Uno, dos…”

and he disappeared without a trace.

What is a dictators best magic trick?

They make people disappear.

My dad showed me a magic trick. He did very well.

He really did disappear.

A Mexican performs a magic trick.

He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

Third magic trick now perfected.. transforming myself into toilet paper.

I'm on a roll!

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and German are watching a street performer do some magic tricks.

The magician notices that the four men have a poor view, so he stands up on a wooden box and calls out to them, "Can you all see me now?"

And they respond:

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Si"

"Ja"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magic Trick

A naked magician steps on the stage and says:

"Now, i will let a crocodile bite my genitals, and i wont take any harm!"

The crocodile comes in, the magician does a slight split, and the crocodile bites him right between the legs.

The magician punches the animal hard on his head...

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

Magic Trick

A cruise ship hired a magician to entertain the passengers. Since the passengers changed every four or five days, the magician was able to perform the same tricks over and over.

Unfortunately, the Captain of the ship had a parrot who sat around and watched the magician perform his tricks, ov...

I got jailed when I performed a magic trick.

Apparently, when I make the kids disappear, I also have to make them reappear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you want to see magic trick?

Go up to your wife and call her a fucking cunt and she instantly becomes one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can do a magic trick by eating these 2 pieces of string.

I shit you knot.

Donald Trump's Magic Trick

Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton made a joint visit to a bakery while campaigning. While in the bakery, Hillary sneaks three pastries in her pocket, and whispers to Trump, “See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything, and I didn't need to lie. That’s why I’m going to win the election.”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

And for my next magic trick, I will ejaculate without using my hands.

All I require is a sexy member of the audience.

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

My dad had this great magic trick he’d show us every night

He’d turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence

A kid asks his Dad to show him a magic trick...

Dad says, "Sure" then he disappears and never returned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. President and Jared Kushner visit Putin

Mr. President and Jared are visiting Putin for some campaign strategy. They have a nice chat over coffee, but both Trump and Jared have hard time concentrating as they are mesmerized by their host's beautiful sterling spoons. Jared manages to slip one of the spoons into his pocket, which makes Trump...

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A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

They're discussing what they are bringing with them to prison. The first guy says "well, I bought a deck of cards. I figure I can play solitaire when I'm bored, I can gamble to make money in there, and l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two government officials go on a diplomatic tour.

One night, they are invited to a dinner with several other officials from different countries.
Having arrived at the dinner, the two officials see that the dinner tables are arranged with exquisite cutlery. They all sit down and start having dinner.
During dinner, official X sees official Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Angela Merkel invites to dinnerparty after G20 summit.

So, true story that has been leaked here in Germany, after the last G20 summit in Hamburg, Merkel invited all the leaders to a dinner party:

Sitting at the table Trump and Putin took a seat next to her, left and right. She notices the federal republic did not spare expenses and served dishes ...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...

The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.


He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'


'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'


He goes up to the counter, takes three p...

Two men walk into a pastry shop.

While the clerk is busy, on man, Don, reaches behind the glass cover and grabs three pastries and stuffs them in his pocket.

"See how easy this is?" Don says to John. I've never paid for a pastry in fifteen years, and I come here every day. I'd like to see you beat that."

John accepts ...

A man runs into a bank...

He runs up to the teller and says "quick! I need you to do a magic trick!"

The teller says "but sir this is a bank."

The man sighs and says, "oh your no fun. Where's Pen?"

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclai...

It was bedtime at Micheal Jackson’s house

Wade didn’t want to go to bed so MJ said ok how about I show you a magic trick first, will you go to bed after?
Wade agreed
They had a shower and sat on the edge of the bed in their gowns.
MJ Said ok now for the magic trick, come here and sit on my lap...
Young Wade sits on his lap. <...

The Talking Cat.

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ...

Broke and starving, Bill & Ted walks up to a bakery.

Bill: "Look..I stole 3 pieces of bread, placed them in my pocket and the baker didn't even notice. It's like magic!

Ted: "You want to see real magic? Watch this."

Ted approaches the baker: "Excuse me, sir. Would you like to see a magic trick? Let me eat 3 pieces of your bread then watc...

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A joke my work buddy came up with.

A professional magician had a day off and decided to go out to the strip club. One half naked stripper went on stage and asked if anyone wanted to see a magic trick. After a positive response the stripper explained she was going to put a ping pong ball in her mouth and make it come out of her ass. T...

the bad joke

A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"...

The Magician and the Parrot

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magicians assistant

My wife works as a magicians assistant and has picked up on some of the magic tricks.

I came home from work early the other day and she was in the bedroom. She said,’ abracadabra! Tara!’ and out of the closet jumps my best mate Dave, stark naked.

Poor bastard must have been wondering w...

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

I walked up to a group of girls.

I said, "Would you like to see a magic trick?"

"Yes," they smiled eagerly.

Then I handed them a David Blaine DVD and walked off.

So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night...

NOTSONINJAEDIT: On a cruise ship***

And every time he performs, an intelligent parrot (deal with it) sits at the back and ruins all his magic tricks by shouting out what the secrets are. When he saws a lady in half, the parrot says that she's crawled up in the other half of the box. When he ...

I was at this party the other day...

...and one of my buddies decided to have me do a magic trick to "liven up the crowd."

So I took a brand new deck of cards and asked for a single, female volunteer. I found the hottest one in the room and got her on the coffee table "stage," asked her if we knew each other in real life, if the...

2 guys walk into a chocolate shop

When they leave, one of them pulls 3 chocolate bars out of his pocket and tells the other, "no one can steal like me!"

The other guy tells him, "let's go back into the shop and I'll prove you wrong", so back in the shop they go.

They walk up to the cashier and the guy asks him if he wa...

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