My friend told me I could make six figures as a sculptor
He was technically right, but I still feel mislead
Condom expiration dates are a little misleading
because I get sick no matter when I eat them.
Sitting at the ER.. I don’t really want to go into details
But the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product.
Thought I'd let you all know I'm in the hospital.
Thee doctors say I'll be fine but I must warn you, the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.
I saw a sign outside IKEA .
It said, "Huge Furniture Sale!"
So I went inside and looked around. Unimpressed, I found a sales assistant. "Your sign outside is misleading."
"What do you mean, sir?" he asked.
"Well," I replied, "None of this furniture on sale is particularly huge."
A blonde buys a chainsaw
A blonde buys a chainsaw to cut down some trees in her backyard and gets the one that sais "Guaranteed to cut down 100 trees a day" on the box. "Great" she thinks "I only want to cut down 5 trees, but I bet this one will get the job done in no time at all!"
Three days later returns...
Have you noticed how misleading modern smartphone deals are?
They're all so phoney.
Ribbed condoms are misleading
They don’t even taste like ribs
I'll never use that dictionary again...
The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
Chuck Norris doesn't just get the coronavirus
He also gets the same misleading information from this administration as the rest of us.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The Misleading Concert Title
A man is listening to a march by Elgar. As the music grows louder, he starts standing up, shaking and flailing his arms.
The concertgoers aver "Sit down! Sit down!". As the music dies down, he eventually sits down.
Then the music starts building up again, and this time he stands up wit...
I'm really good at misleading people.
Or am I?
What do we call the process which usually happens after a company deliberately sells a misleading product to its customers?
Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he’d tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.
One day he asked a mother if he’s been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother’s really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, “oh honey, it’s not the jokes, it your delivery.”
My choir instructor once told me that the wider your thumbnail is the deeper your voice. I came to believe it to be true until one day I met a gentleman with damn near rectangular nails. To my dismay he ended up having a very high voice.
There's really nothing worse than a misleading thumbnail.
There are four types of posts on Reddit
Helpful, Unhelpful And misleading...
"What's your biggest weakness?"
"I often mislead people."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Watched the film "Scarface" last night.
Quite a misleading title, I mean the bloke knew fuck all about scarfs
Don't trust the farmer! The poultry he advertised was far better than the produce he sold!
When I challenged him, he only apologised for giving me a misleading egg-sample.
WonderWoman has the biggest opening ever
Is a misleading title
Nice joke that doubles as a haiku.
I went to a zoo.
There was just one dog on show.
It was a shih tzu.
EDIT: A lot of people are complaining that it's not a haiku. I read shih tzu as 1 syllable, so my mistake. Sorry for the misleading title!
Old Jewish joke
A woman walks past a store with a display of watches in front. The woman, having broke her watch recently, goes inside. She asks the man behind the counter, "hey, do you repair watches?" The man says "No, I'm a Mohel." She asks, incredulously, "then why do you have watches displayed in front? ...
Two men are hiking...
Two men are hiking in a forest when suddenly, the other man falls down. "Oh my God!", his friend exclaims. He quickly dials 911. He gets connected to an operater. "This is 911, what is your emergency?" "Me and my buddy were hiking and he suddenly fell down! His eyes are glazed and he isn't moving!" ...
There's 3 things I hate about r/jokes
people who think they know the punchline and misleading titles.
I called into a suicide hotline
And they tried to save my life, talk about misleading.
Just Spent 3 hours in the Emergency room......
.... the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name........