Traffic Lights Jokes

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday, minding my own business
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American
Slogans, with a half-burned American flag duct-taped on the side of the... read more

He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Except the colors mean different things. You see... with a traffic light green means go, Yellow means be cautious slow down & red means stop. On a banana, green means hold up be cautious. Yellow means go ahead it’s okay! & red means where the hell did you get that banana.

One of them rolls his window down, and Lewis winds his down too

'Oi mate!' says the lad 'Race?'

'Afro-Caribbean' says Lewis, smirking. And speeds off

They always turn red when I’m around

I was driving with a friend the other day and we were approaching a red light. To my horror he begins to speed up and blows right through it. I ask him, "What the hell was that all about?!"


"It's a trick my brother taught me. He said to always go through red lights, everyone else will ... read more

maybe self-driving cars are a bad idea.

"You ought to see a doctor," said the other pedestrian.

"Sure," the man laughs. The light turns green and he floors the pedal. The car takes off like a shot and he leaves the little girl in the dust.

A few seconds later though, he sees something gaining on him in his mirror, *fast.* He just barely catches a glimpse of the little girl on her bike a... read more

So that's how I avoid environmentalists.

"I don't know, son, but they sure are pulling out all the stops."

The man said, “See those two cars over there, son? A drunk man would see four.”

The son replied, “But Dad, there is only one car.”

...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!

The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?

So she asked her dad, "Daddy, what does the yellow light mean?"

"Slow down," my uncle replied.

"Okay. Whaaat doooes the yelllowwww liiiight meeeaaaannn?"

He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

Selecting all images with traffic lights

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l... read more

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

So a green piece of road walks into the bar... It goes up to the bar and orders a drink, then takes it to a table where two traffic lights are playing a game of cards. The traffic lights take one look at the road and run out! Later the bartender finds them cowering behind the bins outside:

"W... read more

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The traffic lights are all broken and traffic is grid locked so he goes and fixes them. People are now able to move throu... read more