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Traffic Control Jokes

Air Traffic Control

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircr...

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German air traffic controllers

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange betwee...

Air Traffic Control joke

Two pilots were talking in a bar. One asked the other what is the worst air traffic controlling he had experienced. He told the following story....We were coming into Madrid it was socked in with heavy fog and the ILS (Instrument Landing System) was out so we were getting talked down by their radar ...

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The pilot and the Air Traffic Controller

Planes were waiting to take of at LAX. Been waiting for some time when a pilot radioed, "I'm fucking bored."

The tower immediately responded tersely with, "pilot who just made that comment, identify yourself."

After a few moments the tower heard, "I said I was fucking bored, not fuckin...

What is the similarity between a pilot and an air traffic controller?

If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If the air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

Air traffic control - Flight 417, please confirm your location, over

Pilot - This is Flight 417, we are in the sky, over

I started my own traffic control company.

It's a slow-moving business.

Did you hear about the judge who gave the jaywalker a very long sentence?

"Jaywalking laws require that pedestrians obey traffic control signals unless otherwise instructed by law enforcement which, in addition to traffic signals, jaywalking laws dictate how pedestrians may legally cross the street when no signals are present and though many states require that pedestrian...

Tatooine Air Traffic Controller: "Jedi 41, Tatooine Tower, confirm your current position you appear to be lost"

Captain Yoda: "Of course I am"

A frantic blonde calls out a May Day

The frantic young blonde calls out a May Day. "My pilot has had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly."

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Eve...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our descent soon," the Scottish pilot announced, as he took a hit and passed the joint to his copilot.

The copilot shook his head. "Look, I'm not gonna rat you out to air traffic control," he said. "But please, *please* stop asking me to call you 'The Highlander."

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I told my mate that I got fired for downloading porn at work and causing everything to crash.

"That's a bit harsh!!" he said.

"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control " I replied.

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18000 feet

Distress at 18,000 feet.

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower's landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone a...

With the beauty shop finally open after many weeks, there is a huge crowd of people all jostling for position to get in...

They really need a hair traffic controller.

A polish man is forced to take the controls in of a small two-passenger plane [math joke]

The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answe...

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