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Tiles Jokes

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I got drunk and to impress a girl, I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

**EDIT: WOW, thanks for all the love on this post. It’s my first post in JOKES where I didn’t get ripped a new butthole for allegedly stealing/reposting. Thanks Reddit!**

My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet..

No word yet....

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I accidentally swallowed the scrabble tiles for N, O, U, O, T, and Y.

I shit you not.

I accidentally ate a handful of scrabble tiles...

My next bowel movement could spell disaster

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My brother and I made a bet— whoever lost our Scrabble game would have to eat a tray full of the tiles.

My next poop could spell disaster.

Why are men like floor tiles?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life

What’s the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they’re on the house.

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles

He kept leaving little messages around the house

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Mr. S is talking to Mr.B

First time telling a joke here. A bit dry but I find it funny

Mr. S is talking to Mr.B
Mr.B your bathroom is the same exact size like my bathroom. I need to buy tiles, how many boxes did you get when you did yours?

Mr.B: 20 boxes of tiles!

A week later

Mr.S tells Mr....

A young woman had a habit of doing naked gymnastics in the living room in the afternoon

One day she decided to try a a split, thereby creating a vacuum which sucked her firmly to the tile floor. In spite of all her attempts, she couldn't free herself and had to wait for her husband to come home.

When he got there, he pulled as hard as he could, too. But she remained completely s...

(actual true story) I saw some board games in the middle of the road that must have falled off of a car; the Scrabble box had burst open and there were tiles everywhere.

A case of a wreck tile dysfunction.

Some thieves stole all the tiles on top of my house

Roofless

How are tiles and fat chicks the same?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

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I got drunk yesterday and ate some scrabble tiles....

Seemed fun at the time, but now that I'm sober, I fear my next poop could spell disaster.

My girlfriend's roommate wouldn't let me redo their bathroom tiles.

What a caulk block.

Yesterday I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble tiles on the road.

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

Country girl Sheila, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom tiles.

Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suction cupped herself to the Bathroom Floor.

She yelled out for her Ol' Man, "Biker John!
He came running in.

"I've suctioned myself to the floor."

"Biker John tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck re...

My friend Eric believes his true purpose in life is to write put-downs on the back of kitchen tiles

He calls it his Eric-tile diss-function

What did the bishop say after they redid the vestibule with black and white tiles?

"It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit diagonally "

Was playing scrabble with midge ure and had 4 tiles left but they meant nothing to me.

o.v.n.r.

Guessing this joke means nothing to most of Reddit... where's the over 40 Brit joke sub Reddit for these brilliant jokes with limited audience.

My remaining Scrabble tiles were PENSI, so I played the name of a long, hard body part ...

... SPINE.

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Complaining wife

A wife complained to her husband:

"The kitchen faucet has been leaking for a week now and you still haven't fixed it!"

"Do I look like a fucking plumber?", the man answered.

The next day the woman complained again:

"Some tiles fell down in the bathroom, aren't you going...

What do you call it when your shower tiles are cracked and don't repel water the way they should?

A wrecked tile dysfunction.

Wrote this one myself (it's a long one but it's good)

There's a man who's decided to redo his bathroom.
He's going with an all red theme; red sink, red countertop, red toilet. The whole shabang.
He starts first with the red countertop, then he installs the red sinks and toilet, then he finally starts laying the tiles.
The ground tiles are lai...

I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet this morning.

We have 368 tiles.

A woman is cleaning her bathroom...

...and slips. She does the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She calls her husband.

"I'm kinda stuck to the floor...".

He tries to lift her, but can't do it. So he calls a plumber.

They both tried to pull her up, to no avail.

So he says "I'm sorry, but ...

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, What's the word on the street?

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

I dropped my cake on the floor.

It smeared across the tiles, leaving chaos in it's wake. Brown and white waves of regret and grief lay before me. The heavenly taste of coffee and whip, never to be experienced. I stood before the glass, shielding pastries and sweets, and from my face dropped a single tear, I miss u.

The WiFi was down in the morning.

Discovered that the bathroom had 42 tiles.

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

A toothbrush journey in India

Very real story...,,

A Dentist was conducting a global survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*

Chinese:
"3 months...!"

American:
"1 month...!!"

Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, it may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* ...

A man calls a tiler ... (old East Germany joke)

... "Hi! I'd like some bathroom tiles repaired please. When can you come?"

Tiler: "Next appointment is in 8 years."

Man: "Oh, OK, I take it."

Tiler: "Morning or Afternoon?"


(This is the type of joke that went around in communist countries like Eastern Europe. Tradesme...

Two friends were talking at work one morning

The one mentions to the other how completely stressed out he's feeling and how he can't afford therapy. The friend chuckles and says "Whenever I'm feeling stressed out I go home during my lunch hour, find my wife in the kitchen and have my way with her, right then and there. By the time lunch is ove...

I've bought up all the Scrabble games I can get my hands on.

I heard there's a lot of money in text tiles.

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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

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Have I ever told you of Seamus? Oh no...

One evening while I was vacationing in Scotland, I had decided to visit a pub near the piers. It was an older establishment, and all the more cozy for it.
As I sat there enjoying my drink at the bar, I noticed that a drunken fellow a few stools away from me would occasionally glance at me and gr...

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The end to Bender's naked lady joke in The Breakfast Club...

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table.
Bartender says " I suppose you won't be needing a drink"
Naked Lady says ..... (*Bender falls through ceiling*)
**"Well, my boyfriend and I were just ab...

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A Strange Date

A young man, out on the tiles with his mates, spies the girl of his Dreams across a dance floor.

Having admired her from afar, he finally gets up the courage to talk to her.

Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. ...

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The Magic Lamp

A man walks into a bar looking rather down on his luck. The Bartender asks what's wrong, and the man produces a foot tall gent wearing a tuxedo from his jacket pocket. Before the Bartender can ask, the man proceeds to open his suitcase, and plonks a tiny piano in front of the little man.

The ...

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