Who do dogs call to fix the shingles on their dog house?

Woofers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied: “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his name, address and phone number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse came out and asked the man what he had. The man said: “Shingles!"

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room....

My neighbor shingled my roof for free

He said it was on the house

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common?

...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican.

What do wives and shingles have in common?

if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

A man returns from an exotic holiday and is feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo some tests.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We have the results back from your tests and we have found you have an extr...

How does a man put on a roof by himself?

Shingle-handedly

Pierre the French Canadian got a job roofing

He was taking 100 lb bundles of shingles up the ladder to the roof. On his way up, the roofer slipped and pushed a bundle down on him. It clipped the side of his head, slicing off his ear. Everyone on the job site helped him look for his ear on the ground. One guy finally hollered “found it”. Pierre...

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

Why was the roof lonely?

It was shingle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many black people does it take to shingle a roof??

One....but you gotta slice him reeeeeaaaalllllll thinnnnnnnnnnnnn.....

"Grandpa caught a virus yesterday while browsing the web at the nursing home.."

".. apparently there were hot shingles in his area."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gorrila Retrieval Unit

You're sitting at home minding your business when you hear a ruckus coming from your roof. Walking outside you see a massive Gorilla tearing up your shingles, so you go inside and call the zoo. Few moments later this pickup truck pulls up with Gorilla Retrieval Unit (GRU) on the side of it. An old m...

Somebody must have roofied my drink last night.

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with an irresistible urge to go hammer some shingles.

What do you use to build a roof out of cheese?

Kraft Shingles

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?

He never had a shingle accident.

I used to be a roofer....

back when I was shingle.

Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others...

HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

Elon's opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention...

Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?

Why can't a Roof get Chickenpox?

It already has the shingles.

If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer.

You're bound to find hot shingles in your area

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most functional word in English language is...

The most functional word in the English language is... Shit. That's right, shit! Consider this:

You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or, decide to shit or get off the pot.
...

Only 2010's kids will get this.

Polio and shingles.

TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is the story of a man named Jack.

Jack was, well lets just say he was a repairman. One day while repairing the shingles on a rooftop, Jack got stuck. Will you help Jack off?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.