Who is the best Kung fu vegetable?

Brocc Lee

Kung Fu Panda's Script

In the first draft for Kung Fu Panda's script the country of origin was written as TH, instead of CHN. However, it was just a Thai Po.

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

...

Racial Humor

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him. The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung fu?". The Chinese man says, "why because I'm Chinese? That's just racist!". The Irish man says, "No, I ask because you're drinking my beer".

What do you call a Christmas Tree that knows Kung Fu?

Spruce Lee

What's the difference between kung pao and the coronavirus?

One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.

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Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

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Karma

Back in the mid-1960s, in an English country pub, a man is sat quietly enjoying a pint of Timothy Taylor Landlord (an excellent English ale). All of a sudden, a bunch of noisy yobs come into the pub and order lager. The mouthiest of the bunch walks across to the man and says, "Oi! You're sitting in ...

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A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master...

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:

"Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me Master!"

His master gives him an anecdote.

"Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs whi...

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A young man meets with a Kung Fu Master...

"People say you are the greatest Kung Fu Master in the world. Please, teach me Kung Fu."



The Kung Fu Master, quite frankly, was too lazy to take on an apprentice, but he had a reputation to keep. So, he said:



"I will teach you Kung Fu, but I do not take on pupils now. C...

Everybody was Kung Flu fighting.

But the virus was as fast as lightning.

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A man takes up Kung Fu, and ascends high to a mountain temple to train...

On his first day he tours the grounds with his master to witness the many fighting styles. Along the way he sees a warrior with no arms, and he asks his master "How can that man learn kung fu with no arms?"

"Don't you see?" Says the master. "Without arms he need learn no punches. Therefore hi...

Kung Fu Panda finally agreed to an exercise-driven weight loss program

So he took up running. But he quickly found out that his jogging shirt irritated his nipples, which sometimes happens due to abrasion. The exercise guide suggested using bandaids as a cushion, but he couldn't find any of those, but he discovered a great substitute:

Post-its.

Did you hear about the Kung Fu Baker?

If people tried to rob his bakery, he would beat the up and throw frosting at them yelling CAKE this!

I know karate, kung fu, judo, juijitsu, taekwondo...

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don't have.

I know Kung-Fu, Taekwondo, Jujitsu...

...and 12 other Asian words.

What common enemy do the Hulk and Kung Fu Panda share?

>!stairs!<

A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies

The dad asks his son, “where were you today”? And the son says, “at school” and the robot slaps him. Then the son says “ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda”. Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says “fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes “what?” “You’re too young to ...

A cow and a cat are chatting in a field...

...and ultimately don't quite come to agreement on the topic of discussion.

The cat walks off smarmily and says, "Well, see you later, prime rib."

And the cow replies, "Yep, see you later, Kung Pao Chicken."

What's the difference between an open box of stinky cheese and a Kung Fu master?

One is loose brie and the other is Bruce Lee

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Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

A Chinese man has killed himself using Kung Fu.

It's the first known case of Chop Sueycide

What do you call it when a guy gets shot delivering Kung pao chicken?

Murder on the orient express

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How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.

I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.

I was sat at the bar in a pub in Dublin..

..when a Chinese man comes in, sits next to me and starts drinking. I asked him " do you know any of those martial arts like karate or kung fu?"
He says "NO - why the he'll you ask me that! Is it because I am Chinese!!?"
I said "No , it's because your drinking my Guiness"

Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?

so he could flip the bird

What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people every time they tell a lie...

Dad: what were you watching?

Son: Kung-Fu Panda

*\*robot slaps son\**

Son: Ok! It was an erotic movie.

Dad: WHAT?! When I was your age i didn’t even know what an erotic movie was

*\*robot slaps dad\**

Mum: HAHAHA!!! He’s your son after all

*\*robot s...

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I caught my elder brother masturbating when I was a kid

He told me he's practicing Kung Fu.

I would never forget the day my primary school teacher asked in my class that who can perform Kung Fu.

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years?

Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

What idiot called it "The Corona Virus"

When they missed a oppertunity to call it "The Kung Flu"

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

I’m sick of martial arts.

I have kung flu.

(Brought to you by my 8 year old)

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

Chinese Martial Arts!

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday when a little Chinese guy came in,stood next to me & started drinking a beer.

I asked him, "*Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, karate or Ju-Jitsu?"*

He replied, "*No! Why the heck you ask me that? Is it because I...

I’m not saying that they are lying...

I’m just having a really hard time believing that Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

What is the most common illness in China?

Kung Flu.

My doctor told me that the coronavirus cure wasn’t ready yet. It told him to hurry it up because...

Everybody wants to be a kung-flu fighter

What's another name for the Corona Virus

The kung-flu

Why can't Jackie Chan fight the Coronavirus?

He only knows kung-flu.

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a joke that isn't racist

a guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks:

"hey do you know, tai quon do, ju jutsu, kung fu or any of that shit?"

offended the Asian man replies: "what you think that just because i'm asian i know martial arts?"

the man replies: "nah its because y...

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They say curiosity killed the cat... But in reality it just grabbed your attention

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange ...

The future is a little bit frightening

Everybody is kung-flu fighting

Why couldn’t Jackie Chan catch the corona?

He was very well trained in defence of Kung Flu.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the people living life in peace.

**ME:** That’s beautiful.

**CARL DOUGLAS:** Okay, now imagine they were kung fu fighting.

**ME:** No, you’re right, that’s better. Carl’s is better.

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A Chinese guy showed up in my favorite bar last night

He took a sip of beer. I asked him, "Do you know Kung Fu or any other martial arts?"

He became offended and said, "Are you asking because I'm asian? I don't, in fact!"

I snatched my beer back from him and said, "Good. Then buy your own fucking drink."

Why did the Shaolin monk go to the doctor?

He had kung-flu.

What do you call a philosopher that can fight?

Kung fucious

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Some guy knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord.

I said "fuck off, i dont beleave in of that shit."


As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places.<...

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A man is sitting at a bar when an Asian man walks in and sits next to him

Five minutes later the Asian man kicks the first man off his barstool

The first man looks at him and asks him why he did I that and the Asian man replies that's karate from Korea

Not wanting any trouble the man gets up and sits back down

Five minutes later the Asian man kicks th...

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

What kind of flu do Chinese people have?

Kung flu

what do martial artists eat?

kung food

What is reddits least favorite dish?

Kung Pao Chicken

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food

(Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

Did you hear about the chicken in Asia that learned how to fight?

His name was Kung POW!

I became ill after taking self-defense classes...

I think I caught Kung Flu.

A blind man walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts telling the bartender a blonde joke. As soon as he starts the bartender stops him and says: "hey, before you tell the joke, just so you know. I'm a blonde, 200lb body builder, the blonde girl next to you is a kung fu artist, the other blonde girl is a wrestler and there ...

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