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Tac Jokes

A duck waddles into a hotel’s lobby convenience store…

…and loudly asks the bored clerk, “Hey, where can a guy get some Tic Tacs?”

Incredulous, the store clerk responds to the waterfowl at his feet, “Did you just ask for Tic Tacs?”

“Yeah, Tic Tacs,” says the duck. “Got a date with a smokin’ hot redhead.”

Not knowing for certain how...
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She : Your dick is probably the size of a Tic-Tac.

Me : Well no wonder your moms breath is so fresh.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...
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Tic-tac-toe is actually bad for kids

It teaches them about the Xs and Os and when someone wins it's either "XXX" or "oh, ohh, OHHH!"

Tic-tac-toe

When I play Tic-tac-toe, I am fine with my opponent getting two squares in a row

But three is where I draw the line.
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Why are tic-tacs small, white, and smooth?

Because if they were big, grey, and wrinkly, they'd be elephants.
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Bully: I bet your dick is a size of a tic tac

The quiet kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good

I annoyed my friend so he mixed up my Tic Tacs.

That's one of his Tac Tics.
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If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

I played my Asian friend in Tic Tac Toe

It was a Thai.
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My ex said my penis resembled a tic tac.

So I asked her, then why does your sister still have bad breath?

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle?

It has an X-O-skeleton.
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What do Libertarians call Tic Tacs?

Tics, because they’re against tacses
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I ate a tic tac yesterday

And I developed another toe. That's three in a row now
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Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.
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When I was little my dad used to beat my ass at tic tac toe

With his belt

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Toucan
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I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...

I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.
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What is Donald Trump's favorite flavor of Tic Tac?

..... Tempermint
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Did you hear about the guy who made the tic tac?

He made a mint
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What is Mexico's favourite operating system?

TacOS
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When a clock goes forward it’s tic-tac, but when Rommel retreats it’s tactic.

When a clock goes forward it’s tic-tac, but when MacArthur retreats it’s tactic.

When a clock goes forward, it’s tactic, but when <general> retreats it’s tactic.


Old British WWII joke during the War in North Africa.
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What can you say about a man who pops a couple tic tacs before beginning speaking?

He mints his words.
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My toenails turned green, shrank, and started smelling like mint.

My doctor says I have a rare condition called Tic Tac Toes.
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What do you get when astronomers play tic-tac-toe?

Exoplanets

Thought that one up myself.
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You know what they call the strategy involving freshmints while playing a game of timed tic tac toe?

The tic tac tick tick tic tac toe tactic
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I once amputated a man's toe and replaced it with a prosthetic made from a breath mint.

I gave him a Tic Tac toe.
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Johnny's teacher noticed him walking down the street one Saturday--

She was used to Little Johnny's antics by now, but this time was weird, even for him. He was holding a cat, and what looked like a pack of Tic-tacs. He would walk for a little bit, stop, eat a couple of candies, bite the cat, and start walking again.

When they got close enough, she asked, "Li...

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
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What do you call someone with mints on their feet?

Tic tac toes
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Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.
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Did you hear they found a pushpin on the largest moon of Saturn?

Thats right,
A tac on Titan
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Why do dyslexic chess players have such fresh breath?

Because they're so good at finding Tic Tacs.
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A confused mother watches her 4 year old son...

A confused mother watches her 4 year old son. on the staircase, he has the family cat and a box of tic tacs, and he is slowly and methodically eating one tic tac, licking the cat, and moving down one step. He then repeats this, over and over.

He is about half way down the stairs when finally ...

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics
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A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.
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If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe
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My friend kept trying to balance mints on his foot

Turns out he was playing tic tac toe
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My calendar has all the dates rubbed off.

Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.
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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

A man accidentally dropped his kitchen knife onto his foot and unfortunately lost his toe.

The Doctor said "I have good news and bad news"

Man.. "Whats the bad news Doc?

Doc.. "Well, you see, they had to replace your toe with a piece of candy."

Man.. "Candy? So what's the good news?"

Doc.. "You now have tic tac toe"
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What game does Homer Simpson always lose?

Tic Tac Doh!
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In other news

Inspired by Colin Mochrie's 6:00 News on Who's Line, I tried to come up with my own.

We now return you to your 6:00 news. I'm your host, Armand Dangerous. Earlier today, a man who lost a digit to his foot after a grievous skiing accident underwent a groundbreaking surgery where he requested t...
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My girlfriend has a constant case of halitosis...

So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a Tic-Tac.
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What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.
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What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe
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My teacher said I needed to have an Intervention...

Who doesn't need a [sniper rifle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CheyTac_Intervention)?
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Dave and Joe were best friends

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J...
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[NSFW] Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’ she said with a Wispa.

‘I’m Marathon, the one with the nuts’ he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped hi...
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A man loses his toe in an unfortunate accident and calls 911.

They rush him to the hospital, where he is brought to the operating room for surgical reattachment.

He wakes up some hours later in the recovery room and sees the doctor waiting at the foot of his bed, looking uncomfortable.

“Doctor? How’d it go?” he asked.

“Well... I have good ...
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Smartenin' pills

This little kid Jimmy was frustrated, because every day as he walked to school with his lunch, the big bully Buster would stop him and ask him what he had for lunch. Then he would take the lunch and eat it!

So one day Jimmy decided he had enough, he had to do something about this. Now his A...

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