The other day, I saw a rose making fun of a tulip that had a bump on it's stem, so I stepped on the rose.

I'm just doing my part to stop cyst stemic racism.

Do you want a job planting tulips?

*points at crotch*


Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red

The tape around my house is yellow

Where do bees go to learn about pollinating tulips?


What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ!

Why do tulips glow?

Because they come from bulbs.

(This is the only *dad* joke I know.)

How does a flower whistle?

Through their tulips.

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kids asks "Mom, why did name me Rose?" The mother replies "Because a rose pedal fell on your head when you were little."

The second kid asks "Mom, why did you name me Tulip?" The mother replies "Because a tulip pedal fell on your head when you were little."

The third kid asks...

How many Dutchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Usually one, tulips are not planted that deeply in the ground.

Mary One-lip searched her whole life for her one-lipped prince, until she found a handsome florist. But she could not marry him...

... For he had tulips.

What do Dutch people have on their face?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Devil captures a Pole, a German and a Russian...

...and orders each one of them to find a flower. Since there's no point in arguing with the goddamn Devil, they split in their search for their own plant. After a couple of hours, the Pole comes back with a tulip, German with a Rose and Russian is nowhere to be seen yet. The Devil decides not to wai...

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?"...

What's better than Roses on your Piano?

Tulips on your Organ!

This one is courtesy of my girlfriend, who is a classically trained pianist and organist.

What's better than roses on a piano...

Tulips on an organ.

Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man.

How do you kiss a girl on valentines day?

You use tulips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Forget the Name

Two elderly men are conversing and drinking wine while their wives prepare dinner in the kitchen. As the discussion begins to dwindle, Tom and Norman decide to delve into their limited pop culture knowledge.

"Well now, Tom," says Norman, "me and Carolyn tuned into one of those nightly talk s...

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on my organ

My dad told me this joke when I was 5, I finally understood it 19 years later. Hope it doesn't take you that long

What's in Poison Ivy's underpants?


A blind man gets in a cab on his way back from work,

and cracks down his window as it's a nice day. He and the driver make some small talk, when the driver eventually asks,

"Is it true that blind people have a better sense of smell than the rest of us?"

"Of course it is!" the blind man exclaims. "I'll prove it to you."


A troll is guarding a bridge across a long river.

Translated from Polish.

3 men want to cross the bridge. The troll says to go off and come back with their favourite plant.

The first man comes back with a tulip. The troll tells the man to shove it up his ass. He does, then crosses the bridge.

The second man comes back with a...

Last minute anniversary gift (x-post from r/cleanjokes)

A devoted husband has made it a tradition to buy his beautiful wife beautiful flora for their anniversary. Though his plant of choice is not roses nor tulips, but her favorite: anemone

Alas, there was no anemone in stock this year at the local nursery.

"What else can I buy my wife for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daddy, what does a vagina look like?

Son: Daddy, what does a vagina look like?

Dad: Before or after sex son?

Son: Before, I guess...

Dad: It looks like a beautiful tulip.

Son: Well what does it look like after sex?

Dad: Ever seen a bulldog try to eat mayonnaise?

An American, a German and a Dutchman enter into a bar

The American says:
From a colony we became the best country in the world, fought on all continents and won both world wars.

The German:
We became a military and economical power in just a century and we dared to fight the world all at once. TWICE!

The Dutchman:
Oh, well... w...


Q: What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?
A: Tulips.

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