UPJOKE
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There are three girls, one named Tulip, one named Daisy, and one named Brick.

One day, three girls and their mom are walking down the street. One is named Tulip, one is named Daisy, and one is named Brick. Tulip asks, "Mommy, why am I named Tulip?", "Oh, because a bunch of Tulips fell on you when you were born," Her mom said. "Well, why am I named Daisy?", "Because a bunch of...

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my girlfriend says her pussy's like a rose

But I think it looks more like tulips

What's better than flowers on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

roses are red, tulips are red, violets are red.

my garden is on fire :(

A family of moles

A family of moles awakens from hibernation. The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says "I smell tulips it must be spring". The mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says " I smell cherry blossoms it must be spring". The baby mole is trying to squeeze between his parents but get...

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My girlfriend walked in on me having sex with her vase of flowers the other day…

Turns out that’s not what she meant when she said she wanted to put her tulips around my cock

Which kind of flowers are such excellent talkers?

Tulips. (Because they have two lips.)

You can go anywhere and see tulips

But only Chernobyl has threelips

Where do bees go to learn about pollinating tulips?

PLANT PARENTHOOD

What flower is on your face?

Your tulips.

Why do tulips glow?

Because they come from bulbs.

(This is the only *dad* joke I know.)

The other day, I saw a rose making fun of a tulip that had a bump on it's stem, so I stepped on the rose. I'm just doing my part...

...to stop cyst stemic racism.

I have this habit of collecting strange injuries from plants, and I recently contracted a weird rash from planting tulips...

I caught a Bulb-a-sore.

I was working on the garden. I asked my wife is she liked my new tulips.

She asked when I got the operation.

My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them.

I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red

The tape around my house is yellow

Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.

Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?

Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.

Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.

Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's th...

My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory

So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.

“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?”

“Ahhhh...um....hmmm” he took a second,

“Hmmmm...hold on let me think ermmmm.....it’s....daisy? No that’s not it....it’s ...

Do you want a job planting tulips?

*points at crotch*

THEN PLANT TULIPS RIGHT HERE!!

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I Forget the Name

Two elderly men are conversing and drinking wine while their wives prepare dinner in the kitchen. As the discussion begins to dwindle, Tom and Norman decide to delve into their limited pop culture knowledge.

"Well now, Tom," says Norman, "me and Carolyn tuned into one of those nightly talk s...

What do Dutch people need to kiss?

tulips

What's better than roses on a piano...

Tulips on an organ.

Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man.

One popular feminine symbol of true romance is roses on a piano.

Most masculine ideas of romance include tulips on an organ.

What's more beautiful than a delicate rose placed gracefully upon an elegant grand piano?

Somebody putting tulips on your organ.

A mother has 3 kids.

The first kids asks "Mom, why did name me Rose?" The mother replies "Because a rose pedal fell on your head when you were little."

The second kid asks "Mom, why did you name me Tulip?" The mother replies "Because a tulip pedal fell on your head when you were little."

The third kid asks...

How do you kiss a girl on valentines day?

You use tulips.

What grows under your nose?

Tulips

How many Dutchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Usually one, tulips are not planted that deeply in the ground.

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.


He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?"...

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on my organ


My dad told me this joke when I was 5, I finally understood it 19 years later. Hope it doesn't take you that long

Last minute anniversary gift (x-post from r/cleanjokes)

A devoted husband has made it a tradition to buy his beautiful wife beautiful flora for their anniversary. Though his plant of choice is not roses nor tulips, but her favorite: anemone

Alas, there was no anemone in stock this year at the local nursery.

"What else can I buy my wife for ...

Memory joke from Norm MacDonald's new memoir

An old fellow named Jim is having memory troubles and goes to the doctor and the doctor prescribes him medicine.

Jim's friend comes over to his house and says, "Jim I understand you got some medicine for your memory. Tell me, does it work?"

"Oh yes", says Jim. "Works like a charm."...

What's better than Roses on your Piano?

Tulips on your Organ!

This one is courtesy of my girlfriend, who is a classically trained pianist and organist.

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