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Tremble Jokes

The ground trembles with my every step.

I have installed the floorboards incorrectly.

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A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot.

They See A Sex Therapist, And He Recommends That They Have A Constant Supply Of Cool Air In The Bedroom, So The Man Asks His Best Friend To Waft A Towel While He And His Wife Make Love.

Begrudgingly, The Friend Submits And Says Yes.


After 20 Minutes Of Lovemaking, The Woman Is No C...

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at o...

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Finding the loot

Jose had robbed a bank in Texas and fled south across the Rio Grande with the Texas Rangers in hot pursuit. They caught up with him in a town in Old Mexico, only to discover that Jose spoke no English and none of the pursuers spoke any Spanish. They drafted one of the locals – the school teacher – t...

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

Three explorers get abducted by cannibals

While on an excursion on the amazon river deep in the jungle three explorers are surrounded and captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are brought before the tribal leader.

He looks at the first and says, "we're going to dine on your flesh, we're going to use your bones to make tools, an...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

Her hair was brown, her eyes baby blue, I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

And so, with courage, I did my best and laid my hand upon her breast.

Her face was light, her body fine, I ran my finger down her ...

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An accountant found guilty of embezzlement was thrown into a cell with a large, hairy intimidating man

The small accountant had heard stories about how he was going to become the victim in this rough prison to which he had been sentenced. He looked up at the very hairy, sweaty, cell mate and slightly trembled.

The accountant was slightly heartened when the hulking man before him asked, "So, do...

Monster under the bed

Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sle...

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - ...

Seen this one in the paper... gave me a giggle

An elderly Irish man lay dying on his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of ...

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf. They approach the most difficult water hole on the course.

Moses steps up and puts his drive straight into the hazard. He calmly walks to the edge of the pond and raises his club. The waters part, Moses walks down to his ball, and chips it onto the green.

Jesus, up next, also sends his drive into the drink. He calmly walks out over the water, loc...

After a session of snogging in the couch, my girlfriend whispered " Shall we go upstairs?"

" yes " I said eagerly.

"Do you have protection? " She asked .

"Why? What's up there?" I trembled.

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A guy goes to prison.

As the guard is taking him to his cell, all the inmates are cat whistling at him, winking, and shouting “see you in the shower princess”. The guy is terrified and swears to himself that he’ll never go for a shower. As the weeks go by he’s starting to smell real bad but he still refuses to take a sho...

The Christian horse.

A man was driving down the long highway in his car. All of a sudden his car broke down.

The man walked for a while and ended up at a farm. As he was trying to find the owner of the farm, he spotted one horse and wanted to see if he could borrow the horse. He met with the farmer and asked him...

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Clever Monkey and the Mighty Lion

One day, Clever Monkey was swinging through the canopy, leaping with great agility from branch to vine. Watch him as he swings and capers, the joy in his eyes, his monkey smile. Surely he was the fastest, smartest and perhaps the HAPPIEST of all the animals in the Kingdom.

As he capered abo...

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.

Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until then, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
“You must take the loyalty oa...

My favorite Halloween Joke

Two Vampire Hunters entered a cemetery looking for their prey. As night fell, they found a tombstone covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. They began excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear.

With no time to open it, ...

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There's only gonna be seven planets in the sky tonight!

"Why? There's eight planets." She said with a look that only someone truly offended can give you. Our hero and Random Girl #24 talked for hours about space, planets, and stars until they both were well aquatinted with one another. She was leaning on his shoulder and then asked again, "why'd you say ...

I went for a romantic break with the wife

She came out of the bathroom and said "take off my dress"

As I peeled off her dress, she said "take off my bra"

My hands trembled as I unclasped the strap. Then came "take off my knickers"

I slowly pulled them down, and she shouted

"and I don't ever want to catch you wear...

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