Flying over the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring ...

My dating profile says I’m an adrenaline junky who laughs in the face of danger and my hobbies include walking on thousands of blades bare footed for fun. I just love the way the blades tickle my feet and there is no way I’m going to be stopped

by a “Keep off the Grass” sign.

United should rebrand to Adrenaline...

Since they promote "fight or flight".

If you want an adrenaline rush, you should go camping...

It's in tents.

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Not enough room in heaven

3 men suddenly appear at the same time at the pearly gates. God comes over to the trio and informs them that Heaven has room for just one more today. Whichever man has the worst story will get in.

The first man begins “So get this: I’ve been pretty sure my wife’s been cheating on me for a wh...

I'm an adrenaline junkie and an agoraphobic.

I talked to the mailman through the door once, that was a rush delivered.

Guy driving his Ferrari...

Driving well over 160 kph when a police chase ensues. The policeman chases the guy for close to an hour, weaving in and out of traffic. After a long, and to be honest, a quite exciting chase, the guy in the Ferrari finally pulls over.

The police officer, fresh off an adrenaline rush, approa...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

The Middle Aged Magician

There's this middle aged magician in Vegas who has this really big show he's nervous for. He hits it off with one of the showgirls and she says she come by before the show to help ease his nerves. So he prepares by taking his magic blue pill. Unfortunately, she never shows up and it's time for him t...

Jesus is watching you.

While a thief is robbing a house in the middle of the night, he hears a voice from above that says, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out he turns around shining his flashlight but sees nothing. So he figures that it must have been his imagination and convinces himself that everything is okay...

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That scene in Pulp Fiction

where Vincent revives Mia by stabbing her in the chest with an adrenaline shot, except it’s me on a Saturday morning when my kid shoves his finger in my nostril to wake me up.

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A young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot

The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real smart-ass, with a vulgar vocabulary and a rude temperament.

The woman says that's OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyway.

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and st...

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A blonde gets on a plane with her friend and they take their seats.

An hour or so after take off, they're handed an eye mask and pillow. The blonde ponders the in-flight entertainment for a moment, then puts on her eye mask and kicks back... when suddenly, the plane violently shakes and everyone starts to scream.

The hull of the plane tears open, ripping off ...

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The New Rule for Entry to Heaven

God called Saint Peter to him, and he told him "From this moment onward, to enter heaven, one must have an interesting or otherwise notable death story." Saint Peter was puzzled, but he complied. Saint Peter went down to the Pearly Gates, and when the first person arrived, Saint Peter explained the ...

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Heavenly confusion

One beautiful sunny day in Heaven, St Peter the gatekeeper, the bouncer of heaven; is mildly surprised to see 3 men pop up before him at the very same time.

St Peter pulls out his notebook that contains all the names of of people allowed in, and says:

"OK, since you cant bring earthly ...

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Three explorers are in Egypt (long)

and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: "Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death." He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end...

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Ferrari vs Scooter

One sunny day an old gentleman decided to take his little scooter for a nice ride. He was the type of old man that was nice to everybody and polite as could be. About twenty minutes into his ride he is stopped at a stop light enjoying the cars as they pass when a middle aged business man pulls up b...

A rope walked into a bar

After a long, hard day of work, a piece of rope walked into a bar looking to relax and have a drink. As he walked in, he noticed several of the patrons eyeing him. He made his way to the bar, sat down, and motioned to the bartender. The bartender walked down to where the rope was sitting and lowered...

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A man swims far out into the bay...

...Suddenly he feels a hand from the deep grabbing his balls, and a voice in his head says, "plus two or minus two?"


"Plus two!" - answers the man, not quite sure what is this about. The hand releases his balls and he swims back to the shore. Everything seems to be OK, but when the adrena...

Heaven is getting full

This is my favorite joke. Its a little long but I think it's worth it.

One day God realized heaven was getting pretty full so he went St. Peter at the gates and said, "Hey, so it's getting kind of full in here so you're gonna need to start filtering who gets in or not by only letting in those...

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