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Throb Jokes

The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing erection.

I just wish it had been mine.

Me: Hey babe, I’ve got a huge throbbing hard-on with your name on it!

Her: Are you sure it isn't just my initials?

What's 12 inches, pink, and throbs?

Piglet stuck in an electric fence

My dad said there's a throbbing pain coming from the facial hair above his upper lip.

It mustache.

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This message is for those who appreciate the finer points of the English language

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.

"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."


...

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Paul goes to the doctor…

And is complaining of pain.

When the doctor asked him to describe it Paul said It’s a throbbing at the entrance to my asshole.

Ah….Said the doctor. “See the problem is you are calling it an “entrance.”

Putin, Xi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Kim and Duterte are relaxing in bed after group coitus, when Trump sits bolt upright and says…

“Hey, hey guys? I have the best ties, the best, long, beautiful, red, nobody has ties like me, but I can’t seem to find my tie, my favourite - and not just my favourite, but many people tell me it is their favourite too, many people, in fact, someone called me up a few days ago crying, actually cry...

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[NSFW] Silently I slipped the condom over my erect

dick and unrolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide eyed, jaw dropping disbelief ...

Then breaking the silence I spoke ...

"Yes, that seems to fit alright, I'll take the whole packet please .....

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A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset

A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset. At dusk, a craft descended from the heavens and hovered in place thirty feet above their heads. Suddenly, they found themselves transported to the interior of the craft where two beings stood in front of them.

They had the app...

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The man who turned into a chicken

John went to bed, kissed his wife goodnight and closed his eyes to sleep.
He suddenly woke up with a jolt and saw an elderly bearded man dressed in a cowl standing next to the bed.
"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my bedroom?", John said.
-"You're not in your bedroom", the m...

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Jack suffered from terrible unrelenting migraines. He'd been to all kind of doctors with no avail.

Finally, he consulted a very controversial migraine specialist.

Doctor: "I know what you're feeling. It's a throbbing sensation in your temples that just doesn't quit. I used to suffer from such headaches too. The best thing for this is oral sex.!!
I would go down on my wife and as she org...

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Man goes into a pharmacy

and asks the woman at the counter for a pack of condoms. She asks him what size he needed, and when he answered that he did not know, she directed him go into a room at the side of the counter and try his penis in the three holes in the plywood wall to see which fit the best.

As he made his ...

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A guy wants to experience some deep soul searching solitude...

He manages to hire an old abandoned sheep station in outback Australia. Tens of thousands of vast empty hectares stretching out to all the horizons.

As soon as the chopper drops him off, flies away and the dust settles, the quiet falls upon him. The distance recedes out endlessly in front of...

New Covid Test

A new and easy self test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it's simple, quick and positive (or negative if you see what I mean).
Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.
Then dri...

[NSFW] Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’ she said with a Wispa.

‘I’m Marathon, the one with the nuts’ he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped hi...

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An Irishman comes home piss drunk

He climbs into bed next to his wife who is deep asleep, and closes his eyes. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a barn filled with animals and that he had become a chicken.
He starts freaking out and the hen next to him tells him to relax, that he's died in his sleep, and that he has been r...

A man wakes up after a big night out

He doesn't remember getting home, let alone how he got there, but his head is throbbing. He rolls out of bed and sees a note from his wife

"Breakfast and coffee is on the table, be home later. Love you"

"Huh" he thinks "normally she's not happy when I go out drinking the night before. ...

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So there was this horny chicken who loved to fuck!

His owner was so sick of him, he finally sold him to a poultry farm.

Within a day of arriving he fucked each and every hen available there..

The new owner was shocked by the sight of it.

Next day he found the horny chicken has fucked each and every pig available at the farm!...

Deep in the African jungle, a safari was camped for the night.

In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless throbbing that continued until dawn. The safari members were disturbed, but the guide reassured them: "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad." Every night the drumming continued, and every night the guide reiterated, "Drums good. When drums stop, VER...

Right Answer

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enoug...

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Another married couple was on vacation in Jamaica

Richard and Wendy were newlyweds, on their honeymoon in Jamaica. They were sitting on the beach in front of their small bungalow near Kingston.

"I barely remember last night, Wendy," said Richard, sipping his dark and stormy, "It was all a blur. What did I... and why does my..."

"Well,...

A woman is waiting at a bus stop.

When the bus finally gets there the doors open and she tries to get on. She is extremely embarrassed when her leg cannot reach the top step. She reaches behind her and unzips her tight dress a little bit to try to give so slack. Once again she lifts her leg and tries but just can't reach the step. S...

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A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should ...

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Nsfw long what's wrong with your dick?

A guy goes into a public restroom and sees a man gently weeping in front of a urinal. He asks him what's wrong, and realises the man has no arms.
"Well... I recently lost my arms in an accident and I'm having a hard time coping with it. It's my first day out of the hospital and I can't figure out...

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A business man is travelling home for the weekend late at night when his car breaks down in a rural area.

He is in the middle of nowhere but spots a small farmhouse in the distance and walks there. He knocks on the door and is greeted by the farmer and explains the situation. The farmer let's him use the phone but the line is down and the farmer suggests he stays the night at the farm with him and his w...

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The Machine

The Machine

Two criminally insane robotics engineers, Frank and Ned, are working on their mad personal robotics projects in their jointly rented workshop. Though both are criminally insane geniuses, neither can afford to rent a warehouse of their own, so they pitch in together and share one w...

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Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

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