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The Vow Jokes

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The vow of silence

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years.

After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Hard bed," he says.

They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask f...

A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much.

As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter!

After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone.

The groom approache...

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

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The Monk

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.

The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and you can only say two words every 3 years."

The man agrees and takes the vow of silence.

Three years later the head monk comes to him and...

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."

The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why...

A groom ran out during his wedding...

His heart wasn’t in the relationship anymore and he couldn’t go through with it, so he ran out just before the vows.

The wedding party, along with everyone in attendance, was in shock.

The bride’s father convinced everyone that since he already paid for the reception, everyone should...

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So the Pope was feeling ill

His people brought in a team of doctors to diagnose him. The doctors called a meeting with the Pope and all of his advisers to share the news.

The lead doctor started "Gentleman, we have some bad news. The Pope has a very rare condition and there is only one cure, he has to have sex othe...

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god is waiting at the gates of heaven, and is waiting to give judgement to the next batch of people

the first man comes in. he is a priest. god asks "how did you die?" the man replies, "I was shot while I was having sex." god says that he can't have sex, being a priest and sworn to chastity, and god sends him to hell.



the second man appears. god asks "how did you die?" the man says ...

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A Bishop had finally had it with a priest in his archdiocese who kept fucking up Sacraments

Right before he was about to excommunicate him, the priest got on his knees and pleaded to give him another chance. The Bishop was a good guy so he allowed the priest one chance.

"If you can preform a matrimony without anything going wrong, I will not fire you"

The wedding starts and e...

DId you hear about the two antennas

They met on the roof fell in love and got married the vows were terrible but the reception was perfect

There's a banquet filled with Catholic Bishops

There's a banquet filled with Catholic Bishops. One of the waiters goes up to the Bishop and asks him how to become a Priest.

The Bishop tells him about the vows of poverty.

The waiter says 'if this is your idea of poverty I'd love to see your idea of chastity. :

Young man and young lady dated and...

After few dating with young lady for some time, young man decides it is time to marry her.

He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
...

When he was 16 Sam felt the Lord calling him so he joined the local monastery.

He took the vows of celibacy, poverty, and obedience. For the next 50 years his job was to make bibles, printing them and binding them by hand. After 50 years of devotion he was ready to retire so the head monk organized a diner for Sam the next evening.

As they talked about the diner the ...

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