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The Rules Jokes

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A teenage monk joins a monastery and is told the rules.

Which basically consist of this: silence at all times except, every 20 years, you are allowed to appear before the head monk and speak two words. In his enthusiasm, he agrees.

Twenty years pass. A little disillusioned, he appears before the head monk, the same one who hired him. "Speak your t...

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."

Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second tim...

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The rules for religions and penises are the same.

It's okay to have one, and it's okay to be proud of it, but don't whip it out in public and don't shove it down children's throats.

Follow the rules

A large corporation with expansive grounds interviewed a tribe of reformed cannibals for the outdoor maintenance positions. During the interview process, they were told, "You'll receive full benefits as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody, which would result in immediate dismissal and c...

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

The Rules of Writing

1: Always avoid alliterations

2: A preposition is not something to end a sentence with

3) Be consistent

4: Don’t restate ideas

5: Don’t be redundant

6: And never start a sentence with a conjunction

If you forget the rules of Chess don't worry...

... you're allowed to check

A Haiku on the Rules of Writing a Haiku

Syllable structure:

First five, then seven, then 5.

Just like this one isn't.

Let's review the rules of strip poker. It might take a while

so bare with me

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day.

Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.

It's cake and y'all know the rules!

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THE RULES OF THE ANCIENT AND HONORABLE GAME OF INDOOR GOLF

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the...

I was late for my first meeting of Fight Club last night and I missed the rules.

Anyway I enjoyed Fight Club, and I really recommend Fight Club.

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My wife left me, so I posted all the nudes she ever sent me onto r/gonewild.

The mods removed them though as they go against the rules.

They don't allow reposts.

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A doctor gets called to the hospital in the middle of the night

As it's an emergency, and the highway is completely empty at this time of night, he's going a little over the speed limit. Suddenly, he sees blue lights fire up behind him, and he's pulled over.

The cop approaches the car and says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"About five mile...

I was late to my first Fight Club meeting so unfortunately I missed some of the rules

But I still had a really awesome time and I can't wait to share my experience with everyone on Facebook.

What did the cow say when his joke didn't follow the rules?

[remooved}

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The rules of weed do not work for pussy..

If you can smell it across the room, it's not the good shit.

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

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My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into...

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