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Olden Jokes

Silence is olden

An elderly couple go to church one Sunday. Halfway through the service, the wife leans over and whispers in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

In the olden days, we would often cough to cover up a fart

Post-pandemic, it's now better to cover up a cough by farting

An old farmer in the olden days committed suicide in the most generic way possible

It was just a run off the mill suicide.

How do you punish a vegetarian in the olden days?

You burn them at the steak

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

Modern times:- Success is when your "signature" turns into "autograph", In olden times Success is

Success is if your "murder" turns into "assassination".

How was the common drug addict punished in the olden days?

He was stoned

A joke told by an old man.

I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.

Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Moses and Jesus fishing...

One day Moses and Jesus were fishing, catching a ton of fish they were getting a little bored. Moses says to Jesus "Wanna make a bet?" since Jesus is always down for a bet, he couldnt refuse. Moses says "Its been five thousand years since my last miracle, I bet you I could still pull it off" So he w...

A woman needs a ticket for a train

It's in the olden days, when traveling across the country meant getting a berth on a sleeper car of a train. She arrives at the station, but finds the train is sold out; there are no empty cars. She is desperate to get a ride, so the ticket seller tells her there is one empty bed, but it is in a dou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke from my southern grandmother

I haven’t seen this one on here before, but maybe I’ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

The tale of Hobbin & Noggin

One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them i...

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