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Underage Jokes

What do you call a Chinese underage hooker?

Sum Yung Ho

Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem.

It's a minor problem.

I hate it when people call their girlfriend their “partner in crime”

We get it man she’s underage

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3 underage guys walk into a bar

They order 3 beers but the bartender turns them down. They look sad so he feels sorry for them and makes a deal. If they have a combined penis length of 50 inches, they can buy their beer. They accept the deal and start measuring. The first guys has a 25” penis, the second 24 and the last one has 1”...

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

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Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a clearly underaged girl

Watson: "Bloody hell, Sherlock! What'd you think you're doing with that girl. She looks like she's in middle school!"






Sherlock: "Elementary, my dear Watson."

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar...

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.

"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."

"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"

"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age....

I know a funny joke about a prison for underage offenders.

But it's juvenile.

A psychologist, a general, and a government official are tasked with reducing underage crime in a sample population put under their authority. Whoever drops it the most in a year, wins. After the year is done, they have a meeting to discuss their results.

The psychologist starts: "We lowered underage crime by over 20% in the last year, mostly by introducing counseling courses, and social assistance programs."

The General goes: "Crime is down by over 30%. Turns out, strict discipline and a one-strike rule can greatly affect people's habits."...

"Barely legal".

Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

How did the underage mathematician get drunk?

He put his root beer in a square glass

Did you hear about the underage sheep that was abducted?

I just read it on my phone when I got the Lamber Alert.

A man in China was killed by a group of underaged doctors.

He died by euthanasia.

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I don't believe Prince Andrew paid for an underage sex slave.

That sponger's never paid for anything in his life.

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love...

But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...

What's the most effective method of suicide?

Supplying the POTUS and the Royal Family with underage girls.

An underage weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. I can't serve underage weasels."

The weasel says, "That's fine. I don't need something alcoholic. What else do you have?"

The bartender says "Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?"

"Pop," goes the wease...

My wife phoned me, panting and breathless.

"Where are you?" she moaned.

"I'm at the pub," I replied.

She said, "I think the baby's coming!"

I said, "Well, he won't get in. He's underage."

We could have the Notre Dame rubble cleared up in a day...

Just tell the priests there’s an underaged boy trapped somewhere under it.

Last week I found out my cousin was into underage girls.

I reported him to the feds, but when they arrived on the scene they wouldn't do a thing. They let the freak run free.

Oh well, at least he didn't enjoy his tenth birthday party.

Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

My wife of 15 years recently passed away

I guess she was underage anyways

Underage drinking is a big issue in my house.

My son is drinking whisky that's only aged for two years.

Honestly, he's the dumbest ten-year-old I've ever met.

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

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Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

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A woman wakes up on the morning of her wedding anniversary and her husband wasn't there.

It was 2.00am and she was concerned. She searched the house until finally she found him in the basement sobbing uncontrollably.

She tried to comfort him and asked, "honey, what's the matter? "

Between sobs he answers, "Do you remember when your dad the cop caught us, underage, makin...

Things to expect when you're expecting

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a bit, his cellphone rings and he answers it to hear his pregnant wife on the line out of breath and panting loudly. "Where are you!" she moans. "I'm down at the bar," the guy replies. "I think the baby is coming!" she gasps. "Well he won't get in," th...

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The police told our bartender he had to stop serving babies.

"Why, just because they're underage?"

"No, because they don't fit in the glass."

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean.

R. Kelly’s never been arrested for having an underage garbanzo bean on him before.

An eleven year old walks into a bar...

Just kidding, he's underage, he can't do that.

The last date I had I thought was like Allstate I thought I was in "Good hands".

Turns out she was underage so they switched me to State Farm.

Only 2000s kids will get this:

Arrested for underage drinking.

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A prominent local pastor drives a young female congregant to a remote spot ...

... he starts kissing and feeling her up, then he starts feeling around under her skirt. Just then, the police arrive.

Cop: "I see what you're doing. She's underage. Get out of the car now."

Pastor: "But officer! I'm Pastor Fluff!"

Cop: "I don't give a fuck if you're up her ass,...

I had a dream

But she was underage.

The legal age of drinking in Alabama has been changed to 31...

Representatives hope that it will keep underage drinking out of high schools

(Dark humor) Don't drink and drive

John Baker was 17 and hot headed. An underage drinkers and a hardcore partier, his parents were always furious with him for this. They tried keeping him from going out, but nothing seemed to work. The last straw was when John got caught driving drunk. The car was a wreck, and John was in even worse ...

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “you’re underage. Get the hell out of here.”

My parents refuse to let my younger siblings to get shots

What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways

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At a job interview, the boss asked me, "What is your greatest weakness?"

I glanced down at my wheelchair and said, "Surely you must be joking."

"Not at all," he replied.

"Alright then- underage fanny."

The Egg

I'm utterly opposed to any form of egg cracking on anyone's head and I totally condemn the act of the underage violent vigilante who cracked an egg on senators head. However with that being said what it highlights is the endless distribution and importing of eggs all around the world. Rising fear of...

While we are sharing terrible time wasting pun jokes... this is the worst one I have ever heard

A friend of mine told me this one some years ago. It is the worst joke I have ever heard in my life.

A mad scientist, up on his secret sea-side mountaintop lair, is working on a life extension serum. He has nearly perfected it, and is about to begin testing it on dolphins.

Unfortun...

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Mr. Cheerio, the Fruity Cheerio (long, but it's worth it)

Once upon a time, there was a Fruity Cheerio. He was a poor cheerio, and lived on the streets. He had no family, and begged other cheerios for money every day. One day, Mr. Cheerio decided to pray to the Cheerio God.

"Dear Cheerio God. I am your humble Cheerio servant. I kindly ask that you ...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette walk into a bar.

They're all underage, and hence, they have fake ID's. The bartender see them and knows they are underage, so he call the cops. The redhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.

They run out the back door and see a barn. Inside, the redhead notices...

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Three men walk into a bar.

The first man looks like he hasn't had any sleep in days. His clothes are ragged and torn, and his face is clammy and unshaven. He sits down on the stool and slumps over in a groggy state.

The second man is in a similar state, but is wearing a suit. His tie is strewn over his shoulders, and h...

[Discussion] Anyone have any jokes for this situation?

Firstly, i'm not exactly sure if i'm allowed to post this type of thread. If i'm not, please redirect me to a subreddit that could possibly help before spewing mindless hatred.

A friend of mine has started dating a new girl recently and she's two years younger than him and she's underage. The...

God asked St Peter why he let the last three men into heaven....

God says: "Why did you let the priest who stole from the church in?"

Saint Peter says: "The priest showed letters from the congregation documenting how he spent his last 30 years not only paying back triple what he took, but serving the church for no compensation. He has repented."

The...

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There's this guy that gets suicidal everytime one of his pets dies.

So he goes to a therapist to see if he can conquer the emotional response. After several sessions his therapist tells him to get a porpoise. They're normal lifespan will allow for him to pass on before the porpoise would.

He also tells the guy that he must feed this porpoise baby seagulls to ...

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

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