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Thor Jokes

My girlfriend wishes I had the body of Thor, but I already do...

She just hasn't seen Endgame yet

Why is Thor’s brother not as famous?

Because he’s rather low-key!

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

Because his father grounded him.

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?

Hela Fast.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

A little girl is playing with Barbie and Thor.

A little girl is playing with Barbie and Thor. An older woman approaches her and asks
"I thought that Barbie came with Ken, not Thor?"

The little girl replies

"Nope. She comes with Thor. She just fakes it with Ken"

What does Thor call his underpants

Thunderwear

What if Thor become Gold Thor?

He will become an Author.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the brand of underwear that Thor uses?

guard

Why is Thor always showy?

Coz he doesn't like to be Loki...

Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

My gf always wanted me to have a body like Thor

after seeing Endgame I have finally done it

Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero!

But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"

Why did Thor not go for the head?

Because he was going for the Thor-Axe

Thor

What did Mike Tyson say after a tough fight ?

I am Thor

I'm Thor

I bit my tongue

Thor's Birthday

Did you hear the one about Thor's Birthday party?

There was only a few people.

He wanted to keep it Loki.

People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.

I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "I'm Thor!"

NORSE HORSE WITH A LISP: "That'th becauthe you forgot your thaddle, thilly."

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "Oh you."

I named my hammer Thor

Because after swinging it all day my arm is thor.


I tried to post a pic of it as part of this, but there was no option for that.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

Why doesn’t Thor like secrets?

He hates to keep things Loki.

Did you know Thor can't get drunk?

He just gets hammered.

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Thor was gay, what protection would he use?

-guard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost.

My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

Why Can’t Thor play Piano?

He hates playing the Lokis.


(I know it’s bad plus it’s better read out loud)

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is your Thor?

....cuz I'll be your Asguardian.

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:...

How does Thor power his appliances?

With a lightning Adapter

What does The Mighty Thor wear beneath his armour?

Thunderwear

If thor throws his hammer a long distance,

Does that make it Mjol-far?

What did Thor wear in the prison shower?

An Asgard

Why did no one notice Thor's brother?

Because he was low-key

Why didn't Thor go to the party with his brother?

Because it was too Loki for his taste.

Thor: "I'm going to kill you with my Thor hammer, so prepare to die!"

Antman: "Ha, it's no match for my thorax!"

Why was the son of Odin Thor?

He sat down without his asgard

Today, someone told me that, in the next Avengers movie, the Thor Hammer was replaced with a Thor Axe.

My first thought was “What kind of lame weapon is an insect abdomen?”

Thor the Thunder God rode out

Upon his favourite filly.
'I'm Thor', he cried.
The horse replied,
'You forgot your thaddle, thilly'.

What’s Thor’s favorite animal?

The Hammerhead shark.

What happened to Thor at the pub?

He got hammered

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odin and Thor were walking through a canyon with a large group of warriors when Odin stopped Thor and signaled him to be quiet and listen.

After a moment, Odin shouted into the wilderness, “IS THAT YOU, VAL?”

Thor stood waiting and listenin, then whispered, “All-Father, I didn’t hear anything.”

Odin replied, “I thought I heard Val holla.”

Thor listened again. “What did Val say?”

Odin replied, “It was just...

Someone said I look like Thor from The Avengers

They have only seen The End Game

Thor

The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

Omar Epps moved next to Chris Hemsworth.

Initially they didn't talk much, but after a little time they started having family get-togethers. They became good friends for a while, even going so far as to have little decoration challenges every holiday.

Omar always pulled out all the stops come Christmas, and he seemed to enjoy it so m...

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

Thor doesn’t get tipsy

He’s always hammered.

I am Thor.

Tho thor I have a hard time thitting down.

Why did Thor get fat?

He got leTHORgic

Why is Thor's brother always overlooked?

Because he's low key.

Thor likes to bust in and beat up the bad guys...

His brother prefers to keep things low-key

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Thor's underwear?

His guardian

What do you get when you cross Captain America and Thor?

A Chris-cross

Where does Thor go to use the restroom?

Bowelhalla.

Thor went out to an Asgardian bar one night...

And he meets this beautiful woman. They go home and spend the night with each other. The next morning when they wake up Thor says "You know I must tell you... I am Thor." The woman replies "You're Thor? I can hardly walk."


Stolen from Chris Hemsworth on The Graham Norton Show

Why did Thor hate playing games?

Because he was a Thor loser

If Black Panther made Jewish bread for Thor's party

would it be T'Challa's Valhalla gala challah?

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend?

Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

Thor and Thanos actually had many similarities in Endgame.

For one, they were both hammered.

Why was Thor unable to get any sleep?

He Was Up All Night to Get Loki

Some say Thor's dad is a pretty interesting guy

I say he's Odinary

Why did thor have such a hard time accepting his brother was actually a frost giant?

He was loki racist

How do you acquire a small version of Thor's hammer?

Breed a horse with a donkey and you'll have a little mule near.

Why do introverts identify so much with Thor's brother?

Because he's low-key.

Why did Captain America wait so long to carry Thor’s hammer?

He didn’t wanna steal his thunder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Thor's hurt when he fell down?

He didn't have his Asgard.

What is the brother of Thor's favorite dance?

The lokimotion.

While growing up, Thor was always grandstanding and making a scene.

But his brother remained low key.

I just held a huge Thor party for my son's 5th birthday.

He got overwhelmed because I guess he wanted something a little more Loki.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got hit in the bum by Thor

really need an Aesguard.....as told by my 11yr old nephew....

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

Thor the God of Thunder

So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

How does Thor's home float in space?

_Asgardium leviosa!_

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston invite Chris Hemsworth to his Thor Ragnarok afterparty?

Tom wanted to keep it a loki affair.

Thor Odinson may not be the coolest God-name ever...

But it's still better than Loki Adoptedson.

/burn

Jesus promised the end of wicked people. Thor promised the end of frost giants.

I don't see many frost giants.

Volvo has Thor’s Hammer Daytime Running Lights. For 2021, Lexus introduces Nagasaki Airbags...

You won’t even feel the impact.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Thor wear to prevent him getting gayed on?

An -guard

Why wasn't Thor invited to his brother's surprise party?

Odin wanted to keep it 'Loki'.

What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?

They're both Thor.

Why did Thor hide his relationship with his brother?

Because he wanted to keep it Loki

Why didn't Thor go for the head in infinity war

Because he Loki didn't want to win

What’s the difference between Thor and Lee Harvey Oswald?

Oswald actually went for the head

Mike Tyson gets really upset if you talk to him about Norse mythology.

It’s a Thor subject.

I had this great joke about Thor...

but thinking about it now, it's actually really low key.

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

Why could Thor never find out where his brother was hiding?

Because his brother was Loki.

How does Thor's brother like to party?

He likes to keep it pretty Lo-key

What sort of cereal does Thor eat?

Loki Charms.
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