Why is Thor’s brother not as famous?

Because he’s rather low-key!

My girlfriend wishes I had the body of Thor, but I already do...

She just hasn't seen Endgame yet

Why did Thor cover Iron Man's back?

Because he is an Asgardian.

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."

She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed in Ragnarok?

Hela fast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time my wife and I watch Thor she takes a abnormally long shower afterwards.

I have no idea what she is doing in there but it gives me more time to masturbate to Chris Hemsworth.

Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero!

But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Thor was gay, what protection would he use?

Ass-guard

Why is Thor always showy?

Coz he doesn't like to be Loki...

Why Can’t Thor play Piano?

He hates playing the Lokis.


(I know it’s bad plus it’s better read out loud)

Why didn't Thor go to the party with his brother?

Because it was too Loki for his taste.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder.

What does Thor calls his underwear?

Thunderwear

What did Thor say after he bit his tongue?

I'm Thor

Did you know Thor can't get drunk?

He just gets hammered.

What does The Mighty Thor wear beneath his armour?

Thunderwear

You may not have heard about Thor's brother...

He's low key.

Thor's underwear

What would you call Thor's underwear????












As-guard

My gf always wanted me to have a body like Thor

after seeing Endgame I have finally done it

Why did thor have such a hard time accepting his brother was actually a frost giant?

He was loki racist

Why did Thor not go for the head?

Because he was going for the Thor-Axe

Thor was bored with life on Asgard and one day decided travel to earth to entertain himself.

Whilst here he happened upon a beautiful maiden and the pair hooked up that evening and made love all night, with Thor slipping out in the early hours.

Back in Asgard Thor felt bad for the fair lady about slipping away never too be seen again and thought he at least owed it to her to explain...

Someone said I look like Thor from The Avengers

They have only seen The End Game

Thor likes to bust in and beat up the bad guys...

His brother prefers to keep things low-key

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

Thor visits a Quaint little village disguised as a traveler.

In the village he meets a young maiden and they spend the night together.

The next morning, he's standing by the window when the maiden hobbles over.

He decides to come clean, so he turns to her and says "I'm Thor".

"You think you're thor? I can hardly walk"

God Of Thunder

Awakening the morning after an orgy, the god of thunder was stretching sleepily when he noticed a beautiful Valkyrie standing in the doorway. “Good morning,” he said. “I’m Thor”. She replied “ You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can hardly pith.”

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

His father grounded him.

The God of Thunder crossed the skies, astride his faithful filly.

"I'm Thor!" He cried. His horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly!"

What do you get when you cross Captain America and Thor?

A Chris-cross

Why doesn’t Thor like secrets?

He hates to keep things Loki.

If thor throws his hammer a long distance,

Does that make it Mjol-far?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odin and Thor were walking through a canyon with a large group of warriors when Odin stopped Thor and signaled him to be quiet and listen.

After a moment, Odin shouted into the wilderness, “IS THAT YOU, VAL?”

Thor stood waiting and listenin, then whispered, “All-Father, I didn’t hear anything.”

Odin replied, “I thought I heard Val holla.”

Thor listened again. “What did Val say?”

Odin replied, “It was just...

Upon seeing a beautiful milkmaid, Thor appears before her in a flash of lightning...

Picking her up, he takes her to the hay loft where he proceeds to make ravenous love to her for thee days.

As the sun rose on the third day, he walked to the door and said "Woman! I must go. I have duties and I am Thor!"

To which she replied... "You're Thour? I'm not going to be able t...

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck naked woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.

The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "

The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Ja...

With the number of times Thor has saved someone's..

You could really say he's an assguardian.

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?

He wanted something a little more Loki.

Why was the son of Odin Thor?

He sat down without his asgard

What if Thor become Gold Thor?

He will become an Author.

What happened to Thor at the pub?

He got hammered

What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?

They're both Thor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Chris Hemsworth get girls ready for sex?

Thorplay

Volvo has Thor’s Hammer Daytime Running Lights. For 2021, Lexus introduces Nagasaki Airbags...

You won’t even feel the impact.

Why did Captain America wait so long to carry Thor’s hammer?

He didn’t wanna steal his thunder.

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the brand of underwear that Thor uses?

Ass guard

Why does Thor iron his cloak?

Because he knows what a crisp hem's worth.

How does Thor power his appliances?

With a lightning Adapter

What’s Thor’s favorite animal?

The Hammerhead shark.

Where does Thor go to use the restroom?

Bowelhalla.

I TRIED Chris Hemsworth’s workout regimen.

It works. I was really Thor for theveral days..

If Black Panther made Jewish bread for Thor's party

would it be T'Challa's Valhalla gala challah?

While growing up, Thor was always grandstanding and making a scene.

But his brother remained low key.

Thor went out to an Asgardian bar one night...

And he meets this beautiful woman. They go home and spend the night with each other. The next morning when they wake up Thor says "You know I must tell you... I am Thor." The woman replies "You're Thor? I can hardly walk."


Stolen from Chris Hemsworth on The Graham Norton Show

What STI do women get from sleeping with Thor?

Thunderclap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Loki decided to surprise Thor at his birthday party with a lady...

He introduces them, and Thor realizes the girl has a severe lisp. He tells Loki he just can't do it, and Loki assures him that despite her lisp, it will be the best night of his life.

Without another word between the two, the girl and Thor head off to his bedroom, and have an amazing night o...

How do you acquire a small version of Thor's hammer?

Breed a horse with a donkey and you'll have a little mule near.

Thor doesn’t get tipsy

He’s always hammered.

Why did Thor get fat?

He got leTHORgic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Thor's butt hurt when he fell down?

He didn't have his Asgard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is your butt Thor?

....cuz I'll be your Asguardian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thor came down to Earth from Asgard

Thor goes to a singles bar to have a drink, and sees a beautiful girl he'd like to make love to. He goes over to buy her a drink, and she has a slight speech impediment, but Thor doesn't care because she is so beautiful and sexy.

They leave the bar, and go to her apartment, and proceed to hav...

Thor and Thanos actually had many similarities in Endgame.

For one, they were both hammered.

Why did Thor hate playing games?

Because he was a Thor loser

Why did Thor leave the hospital after he lost all his powers?

Because he was discharged

Thor gets drunk, blacks out and wakes up next to a man.

Confused, he looks at the man and says, "I AM THOR."

And they guy says, "You think you're thore, my ath is killing me."

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend?

Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

Thor makes mad passionate love to an Earth woman. The next night he is back, knocking at her door.

"Who is it?"

"I'm Thor!"

"*You're* thor? I can hardly pith!"

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston invite Chris Hemsworth to his Thor Ragnarok afterparty?

Tom wanted to keep it a loki affair.

I went to Thor's wedding last year and was worried that I was really under dressed.

It ended up being pretty Loki.

Why do introverts identify so much with Thor's brother?

Because he's low-key.

Thor: "I'm going to kill you with my Thor hammer, so prepare to die!"

Antman: "Ha, it's no match for my thorax!"

Today, someone told me that, in the next Avengers movie, the Thor Hammer was replaced with a Thor Axe.

My first thought was “What kind of lame weapon is an insect abdomen?”

I got Loki last night...

...when I woke up my body was really Thor

How can you tell Odin's sons apart?

Thor has long, golden, amazing hair.


His brother is Balder.

What is the brother of Thor's favorite dance?

The lokimotion.

Why did Thor throw his axe at Thanos's chest, instead of cutting off the hand with the gauntlet?

Because he was going for the kill shot instead of disarming him.

How does Thor blend in to society without being noticed?

He keeps it Loki.

Jesus promised the end of wicked people. Thor promised the end of frost giants.

I don't see many frost giants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thor meets a woman with a lisp

Thor decides he hasn't been to Earth in quite some time and decides to go down and let humanity know he still exists. So he flies down and lands on a woman's balcony. After entering her apartment he grabs her, throws her on the bed and fucks the shit out of her.

A few days later, in Asgard, h...

Some say Thor's dad is a pretty interesting guy

I say he's Odinary

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:...

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got hit in the bum by Thor

really need an Aesguard.....as told by my 11yr old nephew....

What’s the difference between Thor and Lee Harvey Oswald?

Oswald actually went for the head

Why could Thor never find out where his brother was hiding?

Because his brother was Loki.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having sex with a mortal woman...

He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chris Hemsworth goes to a bar

He spots a nice looking lady and gets chatting to her, she happens to have dental braces which affects her speech only slightly.
He asks her “Could I buy you a drink?”
She replies “If you mutht”
They chat and drink into the early hours.
Chris then says “I have a room at the Radisson do...

What did Thor have to wear when he broke his tailbone?

An Asgard.

Why didn't Thor go for the head in infinity war

Because he Loki didn't want to win

Why didn't Thor invite many people to his brother's surprise party?

He wanted to keep it Loki

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who worked out too hard?

Hes really Thor

What is Ant-Man's secret weapon?

His Thor Axe

Thor, upon his mighty steed, approaches his enemy, Thanos. Thanos asks "Who might you be?"

"I AM THORRRR!!!"

His horse perks up and says "Well, then wear a thaddle thilly."

What did Thor start calling Ironman after he learned the suit was made out of gold titanium alloy?

Ironyman

... To be fair Goldtitaniumalloyman just didn't have the same ring.

Thor Odinson may not be the coolest God-name ever...

But it's still better than Loki Adoptedson.

/burn

Thor the God of Thunder

So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Viking God Thor comes to Earth...

and spends all weekend shagging a woman with a harelip. On Monday morning he says to her "I am Thor". She replies "you're thor, I can't even pith!"

What did Thor say to Sleipnir?

I say thee neigh!

Why do you never see Thor with his brother at parties?

Cuz that guy is pretty Low-key

Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.

It's a Thor subject for them.

How does Thor's home float in space?

_Asgardium leviosa!_

Did you hear about that party at Thor's?

No, I guess you wouldn't have; he kept it pretty Loki.

Thor

The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

How does Thor's brother like to party?

He likes to keep it pretty Lo-key

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

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