Captain America Jokes - 34 Hilarious Captain America Jokes

What’s Captain America’s favorite type of coffee?

Americano

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What did Captain America order at Starbucks?

One Iced Americano.

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What did Iron man say to Captain America on the walkie talkie?

Steve, Roger that?

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Which setting does Captain America search for in his Android Settings?

Language!

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Captain America asks Iron Man "How much did it cost to kill your parents?"

One buck.

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Captain America and Peggy Carter finally share a kiss...

Peggy Carter: "That was good."

Steve Rogers: "Your niece thought so too!"

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Captain America's shield was made of Adamantium. What was Hawkeye's shield made of?

Quicksilver.

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Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

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Name one superhero that can beat Captain America...

Captain Vietnam

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Did you hear Ant Man will be in Captain America 3?

I hear it will be a small role

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Why doesn't Captain America like Indian restaurants?

Because they serve Hyderabadis!

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If Falcon is the new Captain America.....

Does that also makes him Uncle Sam?

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People tell me I look like Captain America!

Before he got his Super Soldier Serum...

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In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

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Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

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Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time

Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.

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What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America?

Star-Spangled Banner

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Captain America lose track of Black Widow at the amusement park?

She was secretly Romanoff.

[Spoilers] Captain America could always

Lift mjolnir, he just didn’t want to steal Thor’s thunder.

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Why was Captain America anemic?

He wasn't getting enough iron, man.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine, and they have a meeting with a consultant. The consultant tells them that the mine is flooding the market with too many cheap diamonds, and their income is dropping as a result.

Captain America says, "Well, if you're correct, ...

After Captain America died, The Incredible Hulk inherited the mantle.

He renamed himself 'The Star-Spangled Banner'.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Why does Captain America watch incest porn?

It makes the southern parts of him all tingly.

What does Captain America say when he wants an orchestra?

Avengers, ensemble!

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[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of?

Quicksilver

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If they come out with a new Captain America movie...

Can it be called Back in Black?

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So, the guy who plays Captain America bought a pirate ship.

And he covered it in Vegas-style lights

And he has Phil Collins' band playing on it.

...
It's a Neon Genesis Evans' Galleon

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captain mexico

Always trying to take captain america's job.

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A child who is critically ill is taken under the Make-A-Wish foundation

Her first wish is to meet Captain America and Thor so Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth arrive at the hospital.

After a long meeting session, the two of them ask her what her next wish is.

"I want to meet Iron Man now"

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The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

I hosted a costume party a while back

I understood most of the costumes, but there was one guy with a rainbow clown wig, a captain America shield, an invisible dog, and a kimono. I must've sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out, but nothing made sense. So I went up to ask him directly.

Me: "Hey, nice costume"

Him...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Despite black people making up only 13% of the population, they make up 50% of...

Captain Americas ^in ^the ^mcu

WARNING WILL CONTAIN ENDGAME SPOILERS

If falcon is the new captain america does that mean he is going to be captain falcon

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