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Stumps Jokes

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A woman with stumps for arms and stumps for legs is on the beach...

...and she's sobbing. A man walks up and asks her what the problem was. She said she's sad because she's never been fucked. He picks her up, and tosses her in the water and yells, "You're fucked now, bitch!"

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Imagine a woman with tree stumps for boobs..

It would be weird, wooden tit?

Tree joke

I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...

A bearded jolly-looking fat white man in a red suit and with bandaged stumps where his hands used to be walks into a bar and orders a beer with a straw.

"Who are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "Well I just lost both my hands in a freak sleigh accident last night," the man replies. "So I guess just call me Canta Plaus."

I met this Amputee Lumberjack

He said his specialty was stumps

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Eddie the Head

Eddie the Head was sad because his friends were playing football (soccer to our US friends) in the park and he could see them from his bedroom window. Eddie asked if he could join in. "Of course you can," they said. "You can be the ball!"

That night, bruised and bloody, Eddie lay in bed. "I h...

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people like amputee porn?

It fucking stumps me.

What do amputees and cricket have in common?

Stumps

I love the English cricket team....

The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.

No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to...

"Bloodied cricket bat found in Oscar Pistorius' house"

In addition, locals have told police that he was previously sighted with stumps.

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

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