THE EPSTEIN FART

Dr. Epstein, a world- renowned physician, was invited back to his hometown to give a public lecture. On the evening of the talk, the auditorium was packed with friends, acquaintances, and people who were proud of their native son. He walked onto the stage in the big auditorium and placed his papers ...

A Mother superior and two novices were killed in a bus crash.

They soon found themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter greeted all three.

"Welcome sisters, Mother superior. What a great honor to have you here." he said. Then a little more softly, he said.

"Unfortunately, we've had a few people slipping into heaven disguised as nuns. I'm afraid ...

A priest stands up to do his sermon.

He starts. He says "We all called in different ways."

As soon as he says that, the altar server drops the gospel which he was taking away from the lectern. He then shuffles to pick it up and accidentally rips it with his foot and falls over, hitting the tabanacle and spilling the bread and t...

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Trump visits NASA...

He called a meeting of all the top scientists and department heads. As a staffer called for quiet, everyone took a seat and Trump stepped up to the lectern and began speaking.

"I'm very happy to be here with the fine people of NASA today. Very happy. As you know, during my campaign I promised...

The British at University

A famous scientist, Arnold Nijmegen, was on his way to a lecture in yet another university, this one in Aberdeen, Scotland, when his chauffeur offered an idea.
'Tell you what, sir, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.'
'Sounds great,' the N...

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Oh crap!!

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the
collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he
might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just
how would I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you tur...

What do you call a podium that crossed the alps?

A Hannibal Lectern

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