I noticed that people under the age of 20 are strongly gravitating towards 60s classic rock by well-known bands, such as The Who.

I'm not trying to cause a big sensation, I'm just talking 'bout my generation.

What do you call the feverish spread of strongly worded arguments against very lame and badly functioning replacement arms that tell the future while composing strictly written limericks while moving from place to place?

A parapatetic pathetic prophetic pedantic poetic paretic prosthetic polemic pandemic.

What has two legs and bleeds very strongly?

Half a cat.

I strongly believe in karma.

Like this other day i noticed a homeless man sitting in front of the supermarket. He seemed to have a difficult time.

I went into the supermarket and collected some stuff to give to the homeless man, i wrapped it up neatly in some wrapping paper and went back outside

The homeless man a...

“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!”

The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”

I am strongly against parents vaccinating their kids.

They should have a medical professional do it for them.

I’m strongly against elephant poaching.

It makes the meat stringy and tasteless, roasting at a medium heat for 40 minutes per pound yields a much better result.

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A strongly built and enraged man walks into a bar

.... and yells out to a group of drunks:
"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS JOHNNY???!"
One of the drunks raises his hand and slurs:
"I'm Johnny."

The man quickly proceeds to beat the living hell out of the drunk man. When he is done, he warns:
"That'll teach you to never do that again." And t...

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

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Who's the boss now?

After God created man, all parts of his body decided they'd need a boss to function efficiently. The brain stood up and claimed the title explaining its importance as an organ. The heart interfered and explained its own importance. The lungs, too, contested strongly in its own favor. It soon turned ...

My dad is strongly against my gambling addiction.

He's no better

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

A man and his brother met up for drinks

After a long night of drinking and laughing, the two men head home. On the way, they both delve into their love life, and the first man mentions the new girl he's been seeing.
"Yeah dude, we met at work and went out for dinner. She's gorgeous!"
His brother turns to him and asks,
"Nice! What...

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

My heroin-addicted friend

I used to have a great friend. As we grew older, he started doing heroin. Of course, this affected him pretty strongly. Eventually, he even started calling the injection his "God". Weird, I know, but that's just how he was.
Sadly, he passed away recently, although I guess that was to be expected....

The Old Man and the Beaver

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor
for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great
and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 30 year-old bride
who is pregnant with my child.
"So what do you think about that Do...

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So, I have these friends, Richard and Alice...

And as it turns out, Richard is very strongly attracted to Alice. He asks her if the two of them can have sex, offering her $100 and stating that he'll be done by the time she picks it up. She agrees, and gets on the bed as Richard produces his hundred dollars.

"You know you're not actually g...

A descendant of a pharaoh

A descendant of a pharaoh learned he was going to die and called his pastor, his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He told the three that he wanted to be buried in the style of his ancestors and to be buried with some of his wealth. He hands them each an envelope and says “In this envelope is $30,...

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So this guys enters an house...

He goes up the stairs, enters a room, and there's a woman waiting for him to have a ''little fun''. After doing it, the guy leaves the room and goes down the stairs. Downstairs, there's a kid staring at him, and telles him:

''I know what you did to my mom! If you don't give me $200, I'll tell...

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

''I've never been better!'' he boasted. ''I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?''

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ''Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one da...

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1 dollar for dirty joke

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?

Me: “asstasticbum”

Homeless man: “So asstasticbum, the...

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..

He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"

I went to my first Fight Club last week.

I was unfortunately late to it and so I missed the rules. But I had a great time at Fight Club, and I would strongly recommend Fight Club to everyone.

What do children learn from Green Eggs and Ham?

If someone you strongly dislike really really wants you to eat something strange for no apparent reason, you should try it.

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A pious man walks through the woods

And stumbles into a bog. Slowly sinking he can't get out by himself and starts to pray: "Dear Lord, stand by me and deliver me from my danger".

An hour passes all the while the man sinks up to his waist while a local hunter finds him. "Shall I get you out?" "No, don't trouble yourself, the Lo...

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Dicks and vaginas are like Coke and Pepsi.

I strongly prefer one, but my dad says they both taste the same.

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A blonde goes to a ventriloquist show

The guy is doing his act and at some point starts with jokes about blondes. Infuriated the blonde gets up and shouts: "It's because of shows like this that people don't take blondes seriously! You should be ashamed of yourself for putting down all the blondes... nay, all the women, with your misogyn...

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A little boy was playing golf with a priest.

Everything was going fine, but the priest noticed that everytime the little boy misses a shot, he would swear.

"Fuck!" said the boy as he putts too strongly and misses the hole.
We would say this everytime he makes a mistake.

After what seemed like an infinite number of f bombs, ...

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A guy stands up at a work meeting and says...

A guy stands up at a work meeting and says "I strongly believe we should stop testing our products on animals!" The boss says "What for? Plenty of other companies do it" The employee says "Maybe so, BUT WE MAKE DILDOS!"

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and an MCSE are trying to fix a car...

The mechanical engineer proposes taking everything apart, inspecting all of the moving parts to ensure that they're running smoothly together, and then put everything back together. He is adamant that this is the best approach.

The electrical engineer strongly disagrees, and wants to check a...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side is the most common answer, however this answer leaves a great deal of room for interpretation. As noted historian and sociologist Ian Ormwell stated, "A joke cannot be taken at face value; all jests are subjective in their appearance and impact." Contrasting this view, the p...

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Karma is not a bitch

She's just a strongly opinionated woman

Three devotees decide to prove the power of their faith...

...they all decide to jump off a cliff one by one, all the while invoking the name of their chosen deity.

The first devotee, a Buddhist, proceeds to stand at the edge of the cliff and begins reciting the mora sutta. At the end of the chant he jumps and calls on Buddha three times: ***"Buddha ...

A winery is looking for a taster and so the vintner puts an ad out in the paper.

The next day, a man arrives at the office. He has greasy hair and a five o'clock shadow, he's wearing a filthy jacket and torn jeans, he obviously hasn't had a shower since Christ was crucified, and he smells strongly of stale tobacco smoke and cheap beer. The vintner sees the man's obviously a ho...

My girlfriend left me because of her strong beliefs...

She strongly believed I had money.

Wally!

A small boy named Wally lived in Punchbowl, a suburb in South Western Sydney. None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "you are driving me mad Wally".

One day Wally's mum came to school to check on how he was doing. The...

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An entertaining duck joke to tell in a bar...

So, you're in a bar and want to have a bit of fun and impress someone.

While you're leading up to this, you should take a bar napkin and rip it in into little 1" squares. Make a fist, and stick the squares in the middle of it.

So then you say to the person you're going to impress, "Ho...

At a marriage counselling session for men...

... the counseller asked the men to divide themselves into those that always listen to their wives as a group, and those that are able to stand up for themselves as another group.

Expecting a sweeping outcome, the counseller was surprised to see John sitting alone in the group for men able to...

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He was extremely nervous to have dinner with his girlfriends family

He was sitting around the table with his girlfriend right next to him, her mother on the other side, her two siblings in the middle two seats, her father directly across from him at the head of the table, and the family dog, Spot, relaxed on the floor.

All of a sudden the urge to fart hit ...

Why do dogs hate outer space?

Because they strongly dislike vacuums.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

A Battleship...

A Battleship is sailing along when its commander receives a signal: "You're heading for a collision with us; adjust your course by 20 degrees."

The captain of the battleship doesn't want to, so he sends back "Adjust your course twenty degrees. I am a high-ranking officer and I suggest you do ...

Lieutenant Dan has to deliver bad news.

One day, from the office of the General of the Army comes a letter for Lieutenant Dan bearing bad news. Private John's wife had passed away in a horrible car accident.

The General strongly suggested that breaking the news lightly to John would be course of action.
Lieutenant Dan, with hi...

An officer and a DUI

Having had a good lashing of booze at a village pub, a good local boy gets in his car to drive home. He's swerving all over the place, barely missing tree after tree. A police patrol spots him, pulls him over and ask the man to step out of the car.

"Excuse me sir, we have reason to believe y...

A Young Man Graduates From High School

And he is deciding whether to join the Air Force or go to college. His father was in the Air Force, and strongly suggested that his son join as well.

The son decided on the Air Force. Six months go by, and he got his first leave and returned home.

His father asked, "How is the Air Fo...

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