UPJOKE
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The author of a number of vehemently anti-circumcision books goes to get a haircut...

Barber: “And what would you like?”

Author: “Just a little off the top please”

A woman in a store was complaining vehemently about her bathroom fan.

I guess she really needed to vent.

I am vehemently opposed to protest!

But, I'm not sure how to show it.

A college fellow is trying to find a date to take to the county fair - and maybe a little more afterwards.

After some fruitless searching, a buddy of his says "I know this cute girl, Ruby, that you ought to meet!" So he arranges for them to meet and go to the county fair together.

Well, they get there, he shows Ruby around and asks her "What do you want to do?"

"I wanna get weighed!" says ...

My wife was vehemently prolife.

Until she heard the news that my girlfriend is pregnant.

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in hono...

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Two women are playing golf...

The first woman teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed towards a group of men.

It hit one of the men and he immediately doubled over in pain clutching his groin. The women rushed over and began apologizing vehemently.

The man said, still in pain, said it was ok and told th...

Sad Old Man

There once was an old man. During his life, he had started his own tech company, married a beautiful woman and had two children who moved on to be successful mechanical engineers. He also vehemently argued against Christianity, Buddhism and Islam and proclaimed that the only reasonable religious vie...

A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...

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Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

I know a pair of Chinese-American Twins

One of them, Ving, is a childhood friend of mine. I'm not particularly close with his sister, Ling, but we get along.

One day, Ving tells me he wants to change his name to "Lee". He thinks it'll help him fit in more, as it's a more American name. Ling, who's proud of her heritage and traditio...

An Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation

He was vehement that alcohol was the work of the devil.


"As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?"


Grizzly old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, f...

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Historians are torn as to whether or not Hitler had a favorite date

Some say that he vehemently denied having one

while others say it was 9/9/99

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My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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A Rabbi and a Roman Catholic Priest sit next to each other on a plane.

They start talking about themselves and after a while the priest asks the Rabbi if he has ever eaten pork before. The Rabbi denies it vehemently but the priest keeps pushing until finally the Rabbi admits that he had once before he became a Rabbi. The Rabbi, not happy with the events, asks the pri...

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A man slides off his bar stool and slams face first into the floor...

He tries to stand up and falls right back to the floor. He gets some concerned looks from other bar patrons and vehemently declares that he needs no ones help getting up. He pulls himself back up onto the stool, gathers himself for a second attempt, and falls right back to the floor. His stubborn pr...

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