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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

I used to have wavy hair

Turns out it was waving goodbye

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I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

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The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a fu...

A mummy calls a restauraunt.

- Hello, I would like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird agin, jackal's head and a scarab.

Trip to the zoo

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, sleeveless pink spring dress with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one ha...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth,...

I’ve always been skeptical of goodbyes

They’re a bit hand-wavy aren’t they

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If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...

Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.

Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.

Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"

Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?

Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."

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A mainlander is in Newfoundland on vacation...

And he buys a new canoe. He is in Central Newfoundland driving on the highway and he wants to test out his new canoe but doesn't see any water close by, but he sees a small field where the grass is blowing in the wind and it's sort of wavy and he decided to set the canoe in the field and see how it...

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