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Stools Jokes

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A man sees a pirate sitting a few bar stools down from him...

... the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch like a steroetypical pirate. The man is super curious but he simply nods hello and turns back to his beer. After another pint he summons the courage to turn and ask, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the wooden leg?"...

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

The cow’s got the udder.

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The local furniture store sells stools

I checked out one of their samples and I was unimpressed. It looked like a piece of shit.

It's closing time at the local pub. As the bartender is putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in...

"No free booze!" says the bartender.

"No, all I want is one toothpick." says the homeless man.

The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.

No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows up.

"What do YOU want?" asks the bartender mopping the floor. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife to get us some nice stools.

But the ones she picked up were shit.

My rear end was sore from sitting on the bar stools at my local pub.

So, I've been taking stool softener, but those stools still seem just as hard to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do stools break easily?

Because they're crap.

Stools make terrible friends

They never have your back or offer any support when you need it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a guy who's a carpenter, he told me he makes stools.

'Me too' I says 'but they're all shit'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat on one of the stools

The bartender looks at him and asks him what he'd like to drink. The man orders four shots of whiskey for himself. The bartender looks at the man and says "Four shots for yourself? What's the special occasion?" to which the man replies "First blowjob." The bartender puts on a congratulatory smile an...

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I did my presentation on stools,

got a shitty mark.

A man and a dog walk into a bar

Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"

"But my dog can talk"

Bartender: "Prove it"

"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"

Dog: "Roof, roof"

Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"

"Fido, what is the hi...

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