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Stasi Jokes

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Why are former Stasi agents the best taxi drivers in Berlin?

All you have to do is tell them your name. They already know where you live.

What do you call someone who got fired from the East German secret police for substance abuse ?

An Ex-Stasi

The Stasi tells Honecker there's a West German spy in his Central Committee.

So Honecker takes his favourite Stasi man along to the next meeting. The concierge (an old red) sees Honecker and the Stasi agent go in and, just one minute later, the Stasi man exiting , with a Central Committee member hand-cuffed to him.

"Comrade, I'm so impressed with your speed and effici...

Old joke from former Eastern Germany: An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, KGB and the Stasi....

The CIA team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later.

"As far as we can determine, the remains are about 500,000 years old."

Not to be outdone by the CIA, the KGB goes in and comes out about 8 hours later.

"The remains are approximately 515,550 y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do terrorist advertise their suicide mission?

Suicide bombers get 72 virgins.

How did the Stasi advertise?
Snitches get bitches.

Hey, do you want to come back to my place and regulate our body temperatures using external sources?

No hom(e)o(stasis)

What did the scientist tell his sister when she wouldn't sit still?

Stasis.

Some say bros before hoes...

While some say bros before hoes, and some say hoes before bros, I believe there should be a balance; a homie-hoe-stasis if you will.

*this isn’t my joke but I was thinking of it today so I thought I’d share*

An American, a Frenchman and an East German (this joke takes place in 1982)

are having a few drinks and discussing what true happiness is.

The American says "For me, true happiness is to work hard all day at a job I love, and then to come home and share dinner with my family."

The Frenchman says "Oh, you Americans, you're obsessed with work. To me true happine...

What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes)

Homie O'Stasis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Overcoming your fears.. as told by tom hanks ..

Three men found that they could no longer sleep because of their deep-seeded fears. Their lives were in the state of stasis because of their constant worries. So they set out on a pilgrimage to find a wise man who lived high in the mountains, so high up above the tree line, that no vegetation grew, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

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