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Auschwitz Jokes

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

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Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?

Because the exit doors were coin operated.

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

How do you pick up a girl from Auschwitz?

With a dust pan

What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz?

Plenty of seats on the train ride home.

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What’s the difference between Auschwitz and Chick-fil-A

Auschwitz accepted gays

What is the best formula for leaving Auschwitz?

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.

"Auschwitz," the German replies.

"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.

"Yes, but the services are incredible."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers...

I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz.

Most of the German officers did.

The Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum released a PSA that visitors were not allowed to play Pokemon GO!

Because they didn't want people pretending to be Ash

Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating?

1.1 million stars

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I find Nazi jokes in such bad taste because my grandfather died at Auschwitz...

He was drunk and fell off his observation tower.

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Hitler asks a jewish kid...

Hitler wants to hear the dreams of jewish kids. So, he visits Auschwitz and finds one kid sitting in a corner, freezing to death.

"Hallo kinder, what is your dream?"

"Herr Hitler, when I grow-"

"IF..IF you grow up."

I read that apparently 1 in 10 young Germans believe Auschwitz is a type of beer.



I tried it once. It wasn't for me. Too gassy...

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An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,
"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."
God doesn't laugh.
The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

My grandfather died at auschwitz

He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.

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A friend of mine got caught masturbating in the showers

That ruined our trip to Auschwitz - Jimmy Carr

Walking into a concentration camp be like

Auschwitz here we go again

My Grandfather died in Auschwitz

Poor guy fell out of the guard tower

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Jews rated their trip to auschwitz

It was one star

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One sunny day in Auschwitz

One sunny day in Auschwitz Hitler was standing in front of a big pit.
Nervously, in line in front of him, few hundred jews were standing.
Hitler would call one by one, and give orders to them...

Feet together, spread your arms in 90° angle...

As soon as he complied Hitler p...

What’s the deal with prisons and starting with the letter A...

I mean Alcatraz, Azkaban, Australia and Auschwitz.

I went to Auschwitz to hunt for Pokémon..

What I saw was ghastly.

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A bus full of jews was broken down nearby small German town.

It was sightseeing tour to Auschwitz concetration camp.


Bus driver walked to nearby house looking for some help and knocked the door. The door was opened by old burgher.


Bus driver:
Sorry to disturb you, sir, but my bus is broken down. And I need to deliver all these jew...

I've heard of lot of anti-semetic jokes recently and I'm quite tired of them, especially as my Grandad died in Auschwitz...

If anyone wants to know how, he fell off the guard tower.

What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?

Auschwitz

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Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

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What do you call a Nazi's concealed weapon?

Auschwitz blade!

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In a therapist’s office

The therapist asks the son of a family what has happened.

”I walked in to the shower and saw my father masturbating”.

”How horrible! What did you think about in that situation?”

”I thought about how our current family trip to Auschwitz will be cut short.”

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I was vacationing with some friends, and they got mad at me because I was masturbating in the shower

They said I ruined the entire Auschwitz tour

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

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Israeli Hell

A person dies and is judged for his sins.

“Well,” says the angel, “Sorry, dude, but you are going to hell. But as a bonus for not being a complete putz, you are granted the choice to which hell to go. Your options are: the Soviet hell, the Nazi hell or the Israeli hell.”

The sinner thi...

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