What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz?

Plenty of seats on the train ride home.

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"


Why was Auschwitz the best hotel?

It had six million stars.

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I find Nazi jokes in such bad taste because my grandfather died at Auschwitz...

He was drunk and fell off his observation tower.

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What’s the difference between Auschwitz and Chick-fil-A

Auschwitz accepted gays

I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz.

Most of the German officers did.

How do you pick up a girl from Auschwitz?

With a dust pan

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Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?

Because the exit doors were coin operated.

The Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum released a PSA that visitors were not allowed to play Pokemon GO!

Because they didn't want people pretending to be Ash

My great-grandpa died in Auschwitz

He was really drunk and fell off a watchtower

My grandfather died at auschwitz

He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.

My Grandfather died in Auschwitz

Poor guy fell out of the guard tower

I read that apparently 1 in 10 young Germans believe Auschwitz is a type of beer.

I tried it once. It wasn't for me. Too gassy...

So many jokes about the Holocaust but how would you feel if your grandparent died in Auschwitz?

My grandad did, he fell off the guard tower.

What is the best formula for leaving Auschwitz?

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.

"Auschwitz," the German replies.

"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.

"Yes, but the services are incredible."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers...

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

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What did the Jews rate their stay at Auschwitz?

One star.

What do you call Auschwitz inmates from Riga?

Rigatoni al forno.

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When I was in school, my mate got caught having a wank in the showers.

Really ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

Credit: Jimmy Carr

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An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,
"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."
God doesn't laugh.
The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

What’s the deal with prisons and starting with the letter A...

I mean Alcatraz, Azkaban, Australia and Auschwitz.

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In a therapist’s office

The therapist asks the son of a family what has happened.

”I walked in to the shower and saw my father masturbating”.

”How horrible! What did you think about in that situation?”

”I thought about how our current family trip to Auschwitz will be cut short.”

Walking into a concentration camp be like

Auschwitz here we go again

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Hitler asks a jewish kid...

Hitler wants to hear the dreams of jewish kids. So, he visits Auschwitz and finds one kid sitting in a corner, freezing to death.

"Hallo kinder, what is your dream?"

"Herr Hitler, when I grow-"

"IF..IF you grow up."

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One sunny day in Auschwitz

One sunny day in Auschwitz Hitler was standing in front of a big pit.
Nervously, in line in front of him, few hundred jews were standing.
Hitler would call one by one, and give orders to them...

Feet together, spread your arms in 90° angle...

As soon as he complied Hitler p...

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What do you call a Nazi's concealed weapon?

Auschwitz blade!

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Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

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I was vacationing with some friends, and they got mad at me because I was masturbating in the shower

They said I ruined the entire Auschwitz tour

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Israeli Hell

A person dies and is judged for his sins.

“Well,” says the angel, “Sorry, dude, but you are going to hell. But as a bonus for not being a complete putz, you are granted the choice to which hell to go. Your options are: the Soviet hell, the Nazi hell or the Israeli hell.”

The sinner thi...

What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?


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