UPJOKE
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Idol Jokes

American Idol is like that toxic girlfriend.

It threaten’s that it’s going to leave, but it keeps coming back singing the same old songs.

Billy Idol’s wife gets very upset when he’s behind on the yardwork.

Why just yesterday, in the midnight hour, she yelled: mow! mow! mow!

I nervously applied to sing on American Idol and Simon Cowell asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said no,but I could do Bohemian Rhapsody!

Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?

Because he was the raining champion.

Billy Idol has become a US citizen

It was a nice day to start again

If plants competed in American Idol, which one would win?

I think coriander would.

Told my boss my idea for a game where the user would steal an idol from a cave monster.

He told me to run with it.

As a Christian I can't Believe there are Billy Idol Cover Bands

The Bible is very clear that we should not have False Idols

I was pretty offended when I auditioned for American idol and was told by the critics “don’t quit your day job”

But I guess the joke was on them - I’m unemployed.

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.


“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”


The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

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A drunk woman was singing loudly on the street below an apartment building

A man shouts out the window, "There are American Idol auditions down the street."

The drunk woman heard this and was intrigued, "Which street?"

"Any of 'em ya cunt!"

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

What do gods talk about in their spare time?

Nothing much. Just idol chatter

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

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Sean Connery is interviewed by GQ Magazine...

and the reporter breathlessly asks his idol, "Mr. Connery your fans have three questions for you, do you drink martinis shaken or stirred?" In a deep Scottish brogue Sean Connery replies, "Shaken."
"And which do you prefer, Octopussy or Pussy Galore?" to which Sean Connery barely lets him finish...

The Crusading Nun.

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tea...

It's amazing how much has changed since the 80s

Back then we had a celebrity president with ultraconservative views and a cult following who was obsessed with a wall in the White House, a female Prime Minister with a complicated relationship with the EU and a total disregard for the poor of the country in Number Ten, the Russians were under a reg...

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Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

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