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Pilgrims Jokes

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If the Pilgrims had shot bobcat instead of turkey...

We'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving.

Why did the Pilgrims spend their first Thanksgiving eating outside with the Indians?

They didn't have reservations

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

Their age.

What did the Pilgrims call the turkeys that were hard to catch?

Fast Food

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine if the Indians gave the pilgrims a donkey...

Then we'd all get a little ass for thanksgiving.

According to an article on r/worldnews, pilgrims to Mecca will need to be COVID-vaccinated before they arrive.

I guess this means... hijab?

If it keeps raining, we'll have an invasion of Pilgrims.

April showers bring Mayflowers.

In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

A mathematician walks into a bar on a rainy April day...

The bartender asks him, "Hey, do you know what April showers bring?"

The mathematician says, "Pilgrims!"

Glossing Over a Criminal in the Family Tree

The Taylors were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America as pilgrims on the Mayflower. They had included congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports figures and television stars. They decided to research and write a family history, something for their childr...

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So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon...

Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. "Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easte...

an old one but a good one.

Why don’t native Americans like April?
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims and genocide.

There was once a group of celibate monks.

They had decided to go on a pilgrimage, and many of them had never left the monastery before. The senior monk decided to lead the group of pilgrims.

"We will be traveling through many towns and villages. We may come across women during our journey, but we must hold fast to our vows, do not l...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

Seasonal Jokes

Spring
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
Summer
Q: What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?
A: A hot dog!
Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.
Fall
Q. How you mend a broken pumpkin?
A. With a pumpk...

(long) Three men die together and end up in front of the gates of Heaven...

St. Peter states to the three men "It is not widely known but in order to get into Heaven, you need to answer a simple question about religion." so, he turns to the first man and asks, "what is Easter?"

The man pauses and says, "Is that the holiday where we gather around the table with our fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys die in a drunk driving accident...

...and their three souls float up to heaven. They arrive at the gates of heaven, and after a minute, Saint Peter appears before them. Saint Peter says, "Boys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have died in a horrible car accident. We would love to welcome you into heaven, but you first must pass o...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

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