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Sprayed Jokes

I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent

I heard a joke about getting pepper sprayed.

It was a macing.

what do you call a pepper sprayed Walter White?

Eyesinburn

A soldier survived mustard gas one day, and was pepper sprayed the next.

He was a seasoned veteran.

The Life of a Bug Spray Salesman

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. *"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."*

The farmer was dubious. *"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you...

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

Somebody sprayed free candy on my van.

The joke is on them, i have no candy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just sprayed some orange scented air freshener in the bathroom.

Now it smells like shitrus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today. Sprayed it all over myself.

I still can't fucking fly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got sprayed in the chest by a skunk so I had my tiny therapist wash my clothes for me.

My shrunk shrink stopped my shirt's skunk stink.

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

I accidentally sprayed spot remover on my dog...

...now he's gone.

Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police?

He's now a seasoned veteran.






Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

I have a friend who once sneezed while snorting coke, and sprayed it all over his goatee.

He immediately went and shaved the goatee off.

When he came back, I asked him why he'd shaved it.

**"Because you dont get high off your own 'stache"**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sprayed a spider in my house with Axe, to try and kill it.

But now it's name is Chad, and he's fucking my girlfriend...

Did you hear about the flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage?

It was a murder most foul.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People in Los Angeles.

People in Los Angeles are never just one thing. Someone’s a waiter *and* a screenwriter or a grocery stocker *and* a comedian. I was out there a few months ago, and I stopped for gas. Got to chatting with the guy pumping the gas, and he told me he was also a porn star. I was skeptical, but I believe...

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

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