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Sprained Jokes

I accidentally sprained my left ankle today.

Next year, I'll surely start on the right foot.

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need ...

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A whole crowd is gathered for the highschool orchestra concert. Its quite the ordeal and every seat is filled, but a phone call informs the the principal that the conductor had been in a car accident! Nothing serious, but both his wrists were sprained and he could not conduct this evening!

A quick staff meeting and one short straw later; the gym coach made his way out to the waiting audience. Megaphone in hand, the gym teacher walks center stage announcing in a slight static over the megaphone the high school's name and introducing the orchestra team. "Players, take your positions!"...

A Man Goes To The Emergency Room

He is severely hunched over and looks embarrassed.

After he is given his room, the nurse asks him what happened and he refuses to tell her.

Next a physician's assistant comes in and asks what happened. The man again refuses to say what happened.

Finally, the doctor comes in and...

Court proceedings were rescheduled because a juror appeared to have sprained his ankle upon entering the court chambers. It turns out he was related to the defendant, and he only pretended to be injured in an attempt to buy his relative more time. When the judge found this out, he punished the man.

Lucky for the man, a fake in jury isn’t a serious offense.

(Long) A man is forced to get a checkup by his health insurance. The doctor excitedly says “we just got this new machine that can accurately diagnose any condition you may have - you just need to pee in this cup…”

The man is like, “what the hell” and pee’s in the cup. The doc comes back with the results and says: “you have a strained elbow.” The man is enraged and says how THE HELL can you say I have a sprained elbow from my PEE?? The doc says, the machine is always accurate. The man “leaving the office fumin...

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Hurts all over

Patient: “Doc, it hurts when I touch my knee, it hurts when I touch my cheek, it hurts when I touch my ear ..” doctor examines him, then says: "You’ve got sprained finger, you fucking moron.”

A worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the woman on the phone, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and...

A man on crutches walks into his local Ice-Cream shop..

He asks the lady behind the desk for a Knickerbocker Glory.
She says; "Crushed nuts?"
He says; "No, a sprained ankle"

A husband tells his wife about the car crash he got into...

Husband: Hey, I got in a car crash today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now.

Wife: Who's Lucy?

Mocking Religions is Bad, Mmkay?

This reminds me of that story in II Galoshians 4:12-25

12.Children, remember when our Lord, Christ, hung on the cross, looking down toward his disciples and saw even Peter, who had denied him.

13. "Peter," spake the Lord.

14. Peter heard his Lord speak his name, but no more, so...

Two Irishmen on Holiday

Two Irish farmhands, Mick and Paddy, got a holiday so they decided to go to Dublin. Lacking a vehicle they had no choice but to walk so down the road they went. Well, wouldn't ya know, after only a short while, Paddy stepped in a hole and sprained his ankle.

"Its too bad," says Mick. "Never m...

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Graduation Trip

This past year, I graduated college, and decided to take a trip with a few buddies. We had some money left over from our college funds, and decided we would visit Europe. We had originally intended to go hiking in different European countries for a couple of weeks.

At my Graduation ceremony, ...

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