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Inbox Jokes

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My granpa shared this joke with me many moons ago in an email chain I just found in my inbox, I thought I’d share it with yous.

A new ArmyCaptain
was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asks the sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you
kno...

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.

Woman: Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

FP Edit: RIP my inbox

English is weird..

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

Do you know the one step to avoiding clickbait?

Obviously not.

gg y'all, inbox = rekt

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

I said “I love you” to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Edit: rip my inbox!

Edit 2: so many awards but no gold? I dare you to gild me. Go ahead, make my day!

Edit 3: Guys I was being sarcastic and referencing the movie Sudden Impact (cries in being old). Whoever gilded me just wasted their coins but still, thanks...

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant

But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

EDIT: Holy crap this blew up (no pun intended). Front page! RIP to my inbox.

Thank you kind Redditor for my first gold!

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye.
First front page ever! Woo!

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

the execution

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<...

I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokèStops...

a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmaci...

Joke Of The Month

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer
in his room, so he decided to send an email to his
wife. He accidentally typed the wrong email
address, and without realising he sent the email to
a widow who had just returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check
h...

Andy was sent to prison

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of...

Today I got a girlfriend

I wish I could post this in another subreddit.

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.

The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where...

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.
...

Yo girl, are you my email inbox?

because there's a lot of stuff you have I'm never going to see

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump was asked " what is 2+2"??

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

Looking through my Tinder inbox for something interesting and not boring...

It's like trying to find a needle in a hey-stack.

There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero...

and the kind that want to run for president someday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know Dave?

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

A frog goes into a bank

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mic...

A man went down from Chicago to the Key West for a holiday.

His wife was on a business trip and planned to fly down to meet him the next day. When the man arrived in Florida, he e-mailed his wife to let her know he had arrived, but mistyped her address.

Instead, his message went to the inbox of a woman whose husband had just passed away. When the gri...

If Peter Parker's webs are made out of spider silk ,then what is Miles Morales webs made out of ?

Cotton.

PS: I am black , so yeah , don't fill my inbox.

It's 2098, and a man is on r/Jokes.

The number of subscribed accounts has grown into the billions, but to the man's shock, the top-upvoted post of the day is simply the number "72,423".

When he goes into the comments section and asks what it is, he is promptly told that every joke has been told so many times, they've assigned n...

Did you hear Pantene recalled all of their women’s shampoo?

Biden said if elected he will personally sniff out this situation.



PS, before spamming my inbox I’m a Democrat that just likes a good joke.

My Boss: "I'm scheduling a meeting for next week" Coworker: "I am able to take the minutes" ...

Me: "... and I'm able to take hours."

Not the greatest joke, but the title of this post just came through my inbox and I can't reply with that. Not that I don't WANT to reply with that. So I'm here. I just needed to tell SOMEONE.

I feel better. I can get on with my day.

My Wif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the pirate say when I offered him $1,000 to piss in a shoebox?

RIP inbox

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Unabomber

Edit: holy shit my inbox is blowing up

Why is Ahmed Mohammed not allowed on Reddit?

His inbox would probably blow up.

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

Hey Girl, are you a newly opened e-mail account?

Cos I wanna spam up you inbox so hard I leave a trojan inside you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new redditor subs into r/jokes

He's surprised to see that instead of jokes, all the posts are just numbers. Like "#12215" and "#23785."
He's more surprised to see that the posts have thousands or tens of thousands of upvotes despite being only numbers. Confused, he PM's the mods asking about it. The mod replies: "Oh all the j...

A remote laptop user calls tech support

A remote laptop user called in and frantically said that all of her emails disappeared. I found them in her deleted folder a few moments later.

Expecting her to want me to tell her how she deleted them, I was trying to come up with solutions for her but then she said, "I know how those got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three blondes stuck on an island

There are three blondes stuck on an island. The blondes a find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a ...

In the year 2028, a young Redditor was down on his luck...

... so he headed over to r/Jokes for a laugh. upon arrival he was already confused, as all the posts were just numbers. The top three posts were "28" "658" and "542". The confused Redditor contacted the mods to ask for help navigating the subreddit. "Why are the top posts numbers? Where are the joke...

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