Barcelona players not gonna eat anything till morning

Because they 8-2 much

Man from Barcelona is on a work trip to Germany. He hoped to catch the match against Bayern at a bar, but found himself in conferences through the day. When his work day concludes he pops into the hotel bar and asks the bartender for the final score.

Bartender replies: “I sure 8-2 start your evening off this way...”

In Barcelona, there's a common prank where spicy peppers are hidden inside kiwi fruits, and then the 'victim' is tricked into eating them

Nobody expects the Spanish in-kiwi Sichuan

My wife wants to leave me because of my obsession with FC Barcelona

I see a Messi divorce ahead.

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

I bought a surprisingly good pen in Barcelona.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

Why is Barcelona's football always untidy?

Because the goals are all Messi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde gets on a flight going from Barcelona back to London..

She gets on the plane and immediately sits in first class. The cabin crew explain to her that she doesn't have a ticket for first class but she refuses to move.
One cabin crew member tells the captain about the situation, the captain says "Ah, my wife is a blonde. Let me speak to her"
He goes ...

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital

sees a couple of patients behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noise, "VRROOOOM, VRRROOOOMM....SCREEEECH...." he's going.

'What are you doing?' asks the doctor.
'I'm taking this juggernaut down to ...

I went to work today, and was shocked to learn that my company was taken over by a firm in Barcelona.

No one expects the Spanish acquisition.

What do Barcelona FC and a dog walker with Parkinson's have in common?

Neither of them can hold a lead.

I was surprised when my boss told me that our company was bought by a millionaire from Barcelona.

Nobody expects the Spanish acquisition

If you are in an airplane, how will you know if you are already in Barcelona?

Stick your hand out of the airplane's window. if it's hot, you might be in africa, if it's cold, you might be in russia. If you lose your watch, you are already in barcelona.

I had been told that Hot Chocolate and Churros were a must on my trip to Barcelona...

So on the final day of my trip to Spain I had carved out some time to head down to the ramblas to a little shop that supposedly had he best hot chocolate and churros in the world. Having read that the lines were often long I had allotted a good three hours thinking it would still give me plenty of ...

I once had a crazy drunken night in Barcelona...

It was inspain.

A Barcelona dinner party.

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Barcelona. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run dow...

One guy, "Have you been on a trip recently?"

Another guy, "Yes, three in fact. Last month I fell over a sidewalk while really high in Barcelona."

Santa was hit by an Airbus 747 while flying over Barcelona last night, and none of the flight crew survived

The doctors have confirmed that the reindeer in Spain were hit mainly by the plane.

- Credit to Colin Monchrie from "Whose Line Is It Anyway"

Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion?

They said his tax returns were Messi.

My wife and I went to Spain.

The other week I went to Barcelona for a vacation with my wife. We stayed at a small local hotel about 30 minutes from the city. The first day we had a great time going around las ramblas and going taking pictures at La Sagrada familia. That night we even attended a Barcelona game against Real Madri...

Arcelona Arcelona....!

One French and American was on a train to Barcelona from Paris.

When the train reached Barcelona. Excited American started to yell BARCELONA! BARCELONA!

French guy become annoyed and said to American.. Be Silent!!

ARCELONA ARCELONA!!!!

American continue to yell!!

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World-wide known John

One day, one big company's boss decided to visit his employees. There was one man who was greeted cheerfully by everyone. Like really everyone. His name was John. Boss stopped him for a while and asked him a question 'John, how is it possible that our accountant, manager, supplier and even our new c...

On a Friday, eve of their 5th year relationship birthday.

Her: Babe, what did you plan for us this evening?

Him: Well honey, do you like Paris?

Her: Yes!!!??

Him: Do you like Barcelona?

Her: Yes!!!!

Him: Nice, because there is PSG-Barca tonight on TV.

Do you guys remember Paul the Octopus?

The one who predicted Spain winning the World Cup some years ago?

Well, a friend of mine told me that if you get hit in the face with the ink of an octopus from there, you can see your future self and predict the future.

I called him out on it at first, but curiosity got the best of me...

Scottish couple decided to go to Spain

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier, but because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and fl...

My favorite surprise joke.

From experience, this works best if you tell it when you return from a trip without flagging that it's a joke + adjust it to fit the trip:

Everything went fine until we got to the airport late in Barcelona. We ended up in the security line behind this Alice Cooper type, with piercings stickin...

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