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Sleeps Jokes

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them.

The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away

Aweem away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

Its funny how we all sleep differently.

I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.

The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?

T...

My wife tells everybody she sleeps with a strange man.

Yet every night there's only the two of us in bed.

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for mo...

Scientists have shown that an uncontrollable urge to start singing the Tokens hit single "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.

A whim away a whim away...

Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side...

Only three more sleeps till Christmas

What do you call someone who sleeps around and talks alot?

Horchata

15 sleeps til Christmas...

4 if you do meth.

A guy is asked by his friend: “What would you do if your wife cheats on you?”

He answers “I’d throw his dog through the window and break the stick”

Friend: “what stick? What dog?”

To what the guy replies: “If someone sleeps with my wife he must be blind!”

Why do keyboard never sleeps?

Because they have two shifts. :)

There is a Hollywood actor who only sleeps in a sterling silver cell.

It’s Nickeless Cage.

I have a female Horse who sleeps during the day.

She's such a nightmare!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sleeps with the farmer's daughter...

He wakes up with a cinder block on his chest and a note: Farmers Revenge 1 of 3: Cinder block on chest.

The man scoffs, and throws the block out the window. As it falls, he notices the second note on the window sill: Farmers Revenge 2 of 3: Cinder block tied to right testacle.

Without ...

50 more sleeps until Christmas!

Or 3 if you’re a meth user.

What do you call it when a duck sleeps with his goose friend's wife?

Duck cuck goose

A man gets drunk and sleeps naked in the forest

A little girl was picking mushrooms in the same forest. She counted: one, two, three, four, five, five, five...

The next day the man wakes up and thought to himself: damn, that felt good, i should get drunk and fall asleep naked in the forest again. And so he did.

A bear was picking mu...

If a light sleeper sleeps with a light on, does a hard sleeper sleep with a

window open?

An Israeli businessman accidentally sleeps through his alarm one morning.

Feeling the panic of waking up late, he throws on his suit as quickly as he can and rushes out the door to drive to work. As he begins the commute through the Tel Aviv rush hour traffic, he painfully watches the clock as his meeting starts without him.

Finally he pulls into his parking lot, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you call a prostitute that sleeps with men and women?

A buysexual.

I recently bought a female Horse that I was hoping to ride daily, but she only sleeps during the day.

She's turning out to be such a Nightmare.

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