Great Flood Jokes

God didn't dam it.

A man was in his home when he saw on the news that a great flood was coming and everyone in the area must get to safety. He said to himself “oh, god will provide”

The waters stared coming and he sat in his living room with water up to his ankles. After a while the water rose too high and he h... read more

After the Great Flood, Noah sends the animals to go forth and multiply.

A pair of snakes stayed behind. Noah asked, why they stayed.

The pair of snakes replies “We can't multiply, we're adders” ...

so Noah builds them a log table

The water level is quickly rising, but he has faith that the lord will save him. As the water is up to his knees, an old man in a rowboat sails on up.

"Hey there," he says. "Need a lift?"

The priest shakes his head. "No, for I have faith that the lord will save me. Use your boat to fin... read more

Once most of the exodus has completed, he noticed a pair of adders in the back looking rather distraught. "What's the matter?" he asked them.

"We're only adders, we can't multiply!" said the snakes.

Thinking quickly, Noah dashed off into the forest, and returned a short time later carr... read more

... Everything is going smoothly - the giraffes, bears, birds - all of them are going forth and repopulating the earth.

Suddenly, a pair of snakes goes up to Noah. He says "What's wrong? Go forth and multiply!"

The snakes say, "We can't. We're adders."

So Noah goes into the for... read more

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

He attended church regularly. He was a Deacon in his church. He raised his family to believe in the Lord, but never passed judgement on anyone, believing that judgement was reserved for God alone. When he saw others going astray he would keep his thoughts to himself, unless asked. In short, he alway... read more

A farmer encounters a great flood in his village and he is forced to take refuge on the roof.

A car drives by and offers to drive him to safety, the farmer says "No...God will take care of me"

The flood gets higher and a boat comes by and offers him a ride to safety, the farmer says "N... read more

An old gentleman from New Orleans gets to heaven and is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says to him "You have to pick one story that describes your life and that is the only story you may tell for all of eternity."

The man thinks about it and decides he is going to tell the story of Hurrican... read more