Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

I did it the other knight...

And I got rooked.

I tried writing a remake of my favourite Nic Cage film but set in Ireland

After all, who wouldn't enjoy Con Aer Lingus

What would you call a horror movie set in a post-gasoline world?

The Silence of The Lambos

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned: Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?

His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God asks a guy, would you set in motion a chain of events that will lead to the whole visible universe being destroyed in 1 million years, for 1 trillion dollars? Guy says yes thats alot of money and I've got to live for today.

God pulls out a mountain of cash and swims in it and says, then you'll understand what I did 999,999 years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother was in the kitchen listening to her five year old playing with his new train set in the lounge.

She heard the train stop and her son saying "All of You bastards who want off, get off now 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get on now 'cos we're going down the tracks"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this...

Trying to remember the name of that 80's sitcom set in a bar in Boston

If anybody can help me out that would be great.



Cheers.

I've written a musical about a band of London pick-pockets set in modern times...

It's basically Oliver! with a twist.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Yea nether did she.

What would be the best name for a sitcom set in Afghanistan?

Minefeld.

I wondered why all the books about vampires were set in Europe or America but never Africa.

Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water and they bless the rains down in Africa.

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

I'm sick of seeing movies that say they are set in the "Present Day."

Just call it Christmas!

I'm making a silent film set in the Middle East

It's titled A Kuwait Place

I heard a rumor that the next Legend of Zelda game is to be set in a Hyrule version of Spain. No one believes me

They don’t expect a Spanish Link decision

Have you heard about the new movie set in a post apocalyptic world where the proletariat control the means of production?

They're calling it Mad Marx

Next Battlefield map set in Nepal.

It's made using groundbreaking technology.

Jesus was set in charge of pearly gates of St. Peter for a few minutes.

One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes.

Jesus agrees and in a few minutes he sees an old old man approach.

The old man walked very slowly, had a halting gait, long white hair and a beard. When Jesus asked if he could ...

The North/South Korea conflict reminded me of an old joke set in Israel

Two old Israeli men are having lunch together, talking about this and that, politics and their jobs, and the conversation leads to them talking about the state of Israel.

"I'm telling you, Moskowitz, there's an easy solution to all the problems Israel has."

"I'm sure if there was one, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and son whale are watching the sun set in the Atlantic Ocean

A father and son whale are watching the sun set in the Atlantic Ocean. The son whale then asks his father "Where did I come from?" The father whale replies "From my penis, son." The son sighs and says "Thanks dad." The father whale smiles and says "You're whale cum son."

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

a joke by Steven Wright

My uncle has a television set in his automobile, but it led to a little trouble.

You see, he was sitting in the car, watching television, while his wife was driving on the highway at sixty miles per hour.

Then the commercial came on, and he stepped out to go to the bathroom

An attorney asks an engineer to gather some evidence at a newly laid construction site.

He examines everything he can - looking for any evidence in the steel beams, the pipes, the equipment around, even the rebar where the foundation will be set in hopes to find anything to use in the case.

With his findings in hand, he returns to the attorney’s office. “Well, I’ve got some good...

My 5th grade class took a field trip to a funeral home - the director told us this joke

Why do you always have an extra chair at a funeral?

For rigor mortis to set in.

Seriously....the funeral director told this joke to a bunch of 11 year olds.

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

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