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Scouser Jokes

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over...

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A SCOUSER GET KNOCKED OVER....

This scouser gets killed and ends up outside the pearly gates.

He gives the gate a knock and St Peter emerges who says 'For fucks sake not another scouser, im sick of you lot'

The scouser says 'Go ed lar let me I'm

St Peter asks him if he's done anything charitable recently. The...

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A scouser is in a bar....

And a prostitute walks up and asks if he would like a blowjob, the scouser immediately head butts the woman in the face, then walks away to the bar.

The barman says “why did you do that?, what did she say?!”

The scouser replies “oh, somethin about a job”

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A Scouser walks into the local benefits office, walks up to the counter to collect his fortnightly giro and say's to the woman.

"You know something?
I just hate being on the dole, I'd really rather have a job".

The benefits worker behind the counter tells him.
"Your timing is excellent.
We have just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man.
He wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomani...

I was standing by a fruit and vegetable stand when a Scouser walked up to me.

She said, "Do you like avocado?"

I said, "No, sorry honey. I don't drive."

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**reference: A Scouser is someone from Liverpool, England.

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

The accused.

I failed my biology exam today.

The question was: Name something that is found in cells?
Apparently scousers was the wrong answer.

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Legendary Welsh singer Tom Jones visits Legendary Liverpudlian Cilla Black,with an offer of amazing sexy sex.

He says, "I'll make love to you three times, and each time will be better than the last. It'll be the best sex you've ever ever had. I'll need a sleep in between bouts, but apart from that it'll be sex sex sexy sex."

Cilla Black agrees, and Tom Jones, true to his word, gives her the most amaz...

Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....

Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

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Scouser walks into the jobcentre and informs the woman behind the desk that he is looking for a job.

Woman: Perfect timing. Just had this one come in. Its the minder to a billionaires nymphomaniac teenage daughter. No experience necessary. £100k pa and a Bentley as a company car

Scouse: You've got to be fucking kidding me!

Wamn: Well you started it.

Navajo Memory Man

Bob the scouser goes on a driving tour of the US, and on his travels comes across a Navajo reservation advertising "The world famous memory man - ask any question and he will know the answer"

Bob goes up to the edge of the canyon and finds a tribal elder sitting cross legged watching the suns...

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A Manc & Scouser Find A Genie

A manc (someone from Manchester) and a scouser (someone from Liverpool) are walking down a street talking football. The Manc kicks an empty can and a genie pops out. "I AM THE GENIE I GRANT YOU ONE WISH...EACH" So the Manc says "I'm first I found it, I want my beloved Old Trafford to have a wall 300...

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An oldie in honor of Sir Sean Connery, RIP

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer....

Ken Dodd doing a set at the Liverpool empire...

Ken Dodd doing a gig at the liverpool empire. Walked out at the interval and quietly nipped to the bar sat a couple tables away completely oblivious were two scouse blokes chatting between themselves first bloke says “what’s the difference between Ken Dodd and a coconut?”
Second bloke replies “I...

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