The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends from Australia were on a flight from Sydney to London

An hour into their flight the pilot makes an announcement:

Pilot: ladies and gentlemen I must inform you that one of our four engines have failed. Not to worry though, the plane can fly fine with three engines, it just means a half hour delay to our arrival time, our sincere apologise.
...

My wife told me that she is going to leave me unless I stop treating everything like it's a joke...

With a sombre look on my face, I nodded my head and told her to take a seat so we could have a serious conversation about it as adults.

That's when I pulled her chair.

A grieving wife sits at her husband's funeral

From the pew behind, a tap on the shoulder:
"Mind if I get up and say something?"
The wife replies, "of course, please go ahead"
The gentleman sombrely makes his way to the front. When he reaches the altar, he pauses to compose himself, clears his throat and then bellows:

"PLETHORAA...

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

The house phone

went at one minute past midnight last night, I answered and went all sombre as I was talking to the wife's Dad.







I came off the phone and told the wife her mother had died of a heart attack. She immediately got up and drove through the night from Cornwall to Aberdeen,...

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