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Saddest Jokes

What's the saddest thing about Indiana Jones with dementia?

He can't find his hat.

What is the saddest time in Brazil?

Seven to one.

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a 3 bedroom suite on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but all the elevators are broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sa...

Which cakes are the saddest?

Wedding cakes - because they often end up in tiers!

The saddest joke I've heard

My wife ran off with my best friend...
Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there.

What is the saddest body of water?

Crimea River

What's the saddest thing to come out of Russia at Christmas?

Napoleon.

Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.

It's just soda pressing.

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Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess...

Whats the saddest thing about the Astroworld concert?

The last thing they would ever hear is Travis Scott.

Which is the saddest cheese?

Prov-Alone

What is the saddest pasta?

Tort-alone-i

What the saddest fruit of them all?

This pear

What's the saddest form of transportation?

A moped.

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.



(tch tch, that was lame)

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

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One of the Saddest Stories I’ve Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team’s plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a wor...

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I saw the saddest movie ever.

A man ended up jacking off to his dead wife's photo and crying. It was absolutely tear jerking.

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A young man walks into a bar looking annoyed and sullen. "What's the matter, son?" asks an older patron.

The young man sighs.

"I have a girlfriend who's very nice and very pretty."

"So? What's the problem?"

"Actually, she's not just pretty. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met in my life."

"That sounds great."

"Not only that, she also adores me and wants to b...

What's the saddest type of fish and chips?

a battered sole.

What are the two saddest words of the English Language?

'What party? '

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I thought Friday was going to be the saddest day ever

But the next day was a Saturday

You know, the saddest thing about Dwayne Johnson's success as a movie actor is how he's completely forgotten his brothers who got him there.

Paper and Scissors.

What is the saddest thing in you're life?

That you clicked on this link only to correct my grammer....

A journalist sets itself to find the saddest story in his region...

So he plans to go to the most remote area where civilization is still getting there slowly. One of the locals says that he can take him to Babka, the eldest person in the village, he agrees and goes to Babka's house. When he gets there, he greets Babka and tells him that he is a journalist looking f...

What's the saddest computer you can buy?

A Dell

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

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What's the saddest thing in the world...

Dick,
His family are nuts,
His neighbor is an asshole,
His best friend is a pussy,
And his master beats him

I think the saddest part about all those crippled children getting picked on was that

I only did it because I knew they couldn't stand up for themselves

What's the saddest part of Paul Walker being CGI in Fast 7?

Realizing they should have used CGI the whole time

You know what's the saddest part of North Korea getting hacked?

It won't get to see this.

What is the saddest Olympic sport to watch?

Water Polio

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

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"your happiest memory..."

TV crew is shooting a reality series in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview this older man, John, who had lived there all his life. They ask him all sorts of questions, when finally the reporter says: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, a...

75 story hotel

Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a 75 story hotel. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.

Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of th...

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?

What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home?

WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?

Saddest joke ever.

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It has been mentioned that when cruises start sailing again, the buffets will all be staffed with servers instead of just serving yourself.

The saddest job will be the person who has to push the buttons on the pop dispenser.   Why?   Because it is "soda pressing".


I will see myself out.

Jim, Scott, and Alex check into a hotel.

Jim, scott,and Alex check into a hotel and find out they’ll have to walk up 30 flights of stairs because the elevator is broken. To pass time while they walk, Jim decides he’ll tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories. So Jim tells jokes for 10 flights, Scott sings songs for...

A man goes to a bar

He sits down at the closest empty spot with the longest face you can imagine. The bartender asks him what's up while giving him his beer. He says with the saddest voice: "me and my wife had a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month". Understanding his struggles the bartender says he m...

Footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with the Sasquatch.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to the Sasquatch.


After the last scene o...

Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam?

He couldn't get the saddest fraction.

so i started dating a girl and we wanted to have a "movie-off"...

we started with the saddest movies we could think of. i won with the intro to a certain little Pixar film. I really showed her up that night.

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

The Reporter in the Appalachian Mountains

Life magazine sends one if its reporters to the Appalachian Mountains to gather life stories of the locals. On the first day, the reporter climbs up a mountain and there he encounters an old man sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of his log cabin.

"Good morning, sir. I'm a reporte...

The Frog and the Preist

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! "Dear frog," the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why are you so sad?"

"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog." "...

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3 men at the gates of heaven...

Sadly though, heaven is too full and only one of them can make it across. God suggests that he will choose the man with the saddest death. The first guy goes,"I thought my wife was cheating on me, so one day, I decided to go home early to check. After I got home though, I found my wife in the shower...

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So get this,

Three men have died and are waiting at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter walks out and says "sorry, but I only have space for one entry".
The men ask, "who will it be?"
Saint peter says "you will all tell me the story of how you passed, and I will let in the man with the saddest story."
...

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