Mourning Jokes - 61 Hilarious Mourning Jokes

I get erections at funerals. "Mourning wood," if you will.

It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.

What is the status of a hippo that is mourning because of his recently passed wife?

In the Nile

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What do you call a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

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My favorite pornstar died last night.

I woke up today with mourning wood.

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it.

So wake me up when it’s all over

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Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am...

I'm not really a mourning person.

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Anna is Still in Mourning

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immed...

I was mourning one of my friend in cemetery

and when leaving, I noticed a guy kneeling to a tombstone beside, he was extremely sorrowful, I’ve never seen a guy could cry like that.

I took a glance at him, but he didn’t noticed, he just kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

So, I walked to him, and said, “Sorr...

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A rich Yorkshire man is mourning the loss of his dog

He decides to memorialize it by getting a cast made of it. He goes to a jewelers and asks for a gold statue making of its likeness. The jeweler asks, "Do you want it 18 karat?" He replies, "No, I want it chewin a bone, you daft cunt!"

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I got a boner when I read that my favorite porn star died

I had mourning wood.

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Why did Bilbo have a boner at his own funeral?

Because old Hobbits die hard.

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What’s a good title for necrophilia porn?

Good mourning.

An 85 year old woman was mourning her husband's death.

She decided to commit suicide.

So she thinks about it, wondering "how do you kill an 85 year old woman?", and she comes to the conclusion that she would shoot herself with her husband's gun.

She pondered,"where would you shoot an 85 year old woman?" And she realized, "in the heart". ...

Joke (Dark) The widow in mourning.

My co-worker had just lost his wife.
After he came back to work, I went to speak to him and give my condolences.

Me: Really sorry to hear about your wife

Co-worker: It's OK, I will survive. This is not the first time it has happened.

I was surprised.

Me: Sorry, I did...

looking for puns for my mourning grandmother

Hello r/jokes,

My 89 year old grandmother, Tash Tash, loves puns. My grandfather died on Friday and Tash Tash could a laugh. What are some of your favorite puns that I can share with her? A recent favorite of hers goes like this:

**What do you call and alligator in a vest?
An inv...

A man died and the whole country was in mourning

then it became the afternoon, followed by the evening and then the night.

My brother is always grumpy at breakfast, I'm always happy at funerals

He's not a morning person, I'm not a mourning person

What is the Funeral Director's favourite drink?

He can't start his day without his *Mourning Coffee*.

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A Japanese teenager is mourning the death of his friends at a funeral

His grandpa, who was there with him, says “It’s been years since then.. mind if I say something?” The japanese guy says “Sure,”. The grandpa says “Za Warudo”.

“Thanks. That means the world to me”

2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend

2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's funeral. One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.

"So... How'd it happen?"

To which the other responds.

"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a hors...

Why didn't the widow attend the 9am funeral?

She wasn't a mourning person

A recent widow, Elizabeth, gets dressed up in her mourning cloths and goes shopping for the week

She's known the butcher for years and says "Every year my husband insisted on a turkey for Easter. But now that he's dead, I can have whatever I want! I was thinking I'd do a nice roast or maybe a meatloaf. Is that traditional?"

The butcher just shakes his head. "No, black Betty. Ham or lamb...

When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you...

Three friends are sitting in a bar drinking, when one turns to the others and asks, "When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy thinks and says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a grea...

It is always difficult for me to attend funerals

I suffer from a condition called mourning wood.

A woman named Lorraine Lee introduced her boyfriend, Frank, to her family for the first time.

As Frank greeted Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lorraine's stunning sister, Claire, whispered something to him. Curious and suspicious, Lorraine decided to check on them and found Frank and Claire in bed together. Lorraine confronted Frank, who pleaded for another chance. Reluctantly, Lorraine agreed, but made i...

What illness gives you tears and heartache?

Mourning sickness.

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For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.

Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.

A mourning man goes to see Jesus

He walks up to messiah, eyes red from crying.

"Oh Jesus, he snivels", "I need you help. My father died and I ... I need you ..."

"My child, I am here for you, and I knew your father, he was a good man and is certainly in heaven now."

"Comforting as that is, Jesus, I ...

The husband of the woman next door died.

The husband of the woman next door died. After the funeral, the widow shut herself inside the house for most of the day. The only time the widow would leave her home was at the crack of dawn, where she would stand outside and wail loudly in her yard until noon, before quickly retreating into her hom...

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Two lovers of a recently deceased woman, both named Jack, attended her funeral.

They did not know about each other, nor the woman’s apparent penchant for lovers named Jack. They both, despite their typical emotional despondency, ended up caring for this woman over their respective affairs. Upon meeting and talking, at the reception, they realized they had both been played. Both...

What does 6 AM mean for a night owl?

Mourning.

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My wife is yelling at me for having a boner at her mothers funeral

My response, “I can’t help it, it’s mourning wood”

Silly Dry Humor.

There were three brothers, Foot, Footfoot and Footfootfoot.

They were living their lives for years but someday Foot became gravely ill and died.After 1 month of mourning Footfoot said to Footfootfoot.

Brother it's been 1 month of mourning and crying over our brother's grave, I can't ta...

I'm a "morning" person.

Every morning when I wake up, I'm mourning the fact that I'm no longer sleeping.

I got a massive erection while I was giving the eulogy at my mom's funeral.

I had real bad mourning wood.

This one came to me this morning - How do you spot a necrophiliac at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

I was going to get up early to join the queue to pay respects to the Queen. But I slept in.

Guess I'm not a mourning person.

When is a good time to cry about someone’s death?

In the mourning.

This guy is walking by a graveyard

He hears a guy moaning…

Why did you die?
Why did you die?

Why did you Die?????

The guy was disturbed and ran over?

I have to ask are you mourning a spouse ?

How about a child?

The man responded : no nothing like that.

Why did you die??? <...

What do you get when YouTubers Rhett & Link pass away?

Good Mythical Mourning

What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve?

Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning

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Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

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I visited my dear granddad's grave over the weekend

As I was standing at his grave, I noticed a guy crouched behind a gravestone a few graves over, reading a newspaper.

"Morning" I said as I nodded to him respectfully.

He replied "Nah, I'm not mourning, I'm taking a shit, but thanks anyway"

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My dick is sad because it hasn’t been sucked in awhile.

Guess you could say I have mourning wood……

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people.

I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

What does a necrophiliac get when he wakes up at the morgue? NSFW

Mourning wood.

I'm sorry.

Why do funerals always happen before noon?

It's the perfect time in the mourning

How do you greet people at a funeral?

"Good mourning!"

What is the scientific name of a Weeping Willow?

Mourning Wood

I was asked to deliver a eulogy at a funeral that is scheduled for 5:00am.

I had to decline. I'm not much of a mourning person.

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After My wife passed away it took a long time for me to be able to have sex with another woman.

I guess I had mourning wood.

Did you hear about the funeral that took place before lunch?

Some would say it was in the mourning.

Why is it hard to wake up after a funeral?

Because it’s very tiring in the mourning.

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The farmer and the neighbor boy (sorry for the mobile format)

This lonely farmer likes to sit on his porch his every mourning. One mourning, as he’s sitting there, a boy comes walking down the road carrying a giant roll of duct tape.

The farmer asks “what are you doing with so much tape?” The boy replies “this isn’t just any tape this is duck tape. I’...

These days I've been checking the news first thing in the morning.

Lately, it's been my mourning routine.

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(NSFW) A guy named Richard opens up a wooden coffin shop

He calls it Dick’s Mourning Wood

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals

They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees

Mayonnaise

In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans...

Three highly decorated police officers die

in a wild shoot-out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I...

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