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Right Wing Jokes

What's the difference between the USA and a bird?

On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.

What do you call someone who is too afraid of calling themselves left or right wing?

A chicken wing.

My dad is so right wing...

he won't even have leftovers!

-I'll let myself out.

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

Left wing or Right wing, it doesn't really matter.

If either is harmed the plane will crash.

I was considering telling a vaccine joke to a right wing coworker of mine

but didn't because he probably wouldn't get it anyways.

A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico.

Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.

A plane is flying over the Mediterranean

A pilots voice comes on
And says a terrible thing has happened.

We’ve lost both engines and we’re gonna have to land in the Mediterranean.

The plane will stay afloat for a very short time.

And we’ll be able to open the door just long enough that everyone can get out.
<...

What’s the difference between the political left wing and right wing?

It’s the big plane called Air Force One in the middle.

A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose

Soon, reporters are on the scene.

"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"

"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"

"What do you do for fun"

"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"

"Who...

A couple friends and I are opening a chicken wings restaurant called the "Right Wing Cafe."

We don't actually sell any wings, we just complain about other wing places.

How do you starve a right wing christian?

Hide their money in their bible.

Differences between airplanes and the US

The plane’s Right wing isn't tryna crash it out of spite

A British Airways plane...

Makes a crash landing in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean

Somehow everyone survives, and the pilot comes over the speaker system... Ladies and Gentlemen, please listen to my instructions very carefully, those who can swim I want you out on the left wing, those who cant swim, I want you out on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. Outraged, I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix.

American politics is like a penguin.

It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian joke (but it may translate..)

ScoMo (the Australian Prime Minister, right wing, evangelical, ex marketing specialist) is visiting a remote indigenous village, surrounded by the fawning Murdoch press. He speaks to the village elder and asks him how he can make the locals lives better.

"Well," says the elder, "We've got two...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cringe Airlines

What happens when you combine Fox News, CNN, and a Fleshlight.

You get a plane

The right wing, the left wing, and the cockpit.

A man walks into a pet shop

He'd like to buy a pet for his lonely, widowed mother. The shop owner shows him all of the usual stuff,
hamsters, puppies, kittens, etc. and the man tells the owner that he's looking for something unique.

The owner takes him to the back of the shop and introduces him to raggedy looking par...

I tried to make a paper plane out of a newspaper.

The right wing was fine but the left wing was trash.

I guess politicians are just a bunch of chickens.

Ya got the right wing and the left wing.

What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid?

The right wing

Since you liked the first one...more Russian jokes. (Airplane Intercom Version)

"Good afternoon passengers. We are currently flying at 20000 feet. If you take a look out of the windows on the left-hand side you will get a good view of our left engine on fire. If you look out the right-hand side windows you will see our right wing has fallen off. Below the airplane you will soo...

Why is Leo Messi the perfect BJP candidate

Because he operates on the right wing and cuts through all the opponents who come in his way

Three pilots are bragging about the size of their planes...

Three pilots are bragging about the size of their planes. The British pilot says: "Well, our planes so huge that they carry 3 football teams and 3000 fans!"
The American pilot says: "Pff, OUR planes are so huge they can carry 5 baseball teams and 5000 fans!"
They look at the German pilot. He s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some translated Italian jokes on the European immigrant crisis

Venezuela offers refuge to 20k immigrants. *Now I want to see how you even get here.*

France suggests bombing Syria. To drive out the last refugees.

Clashes on the border between Hungary and Serbia. If I were an Austrian archduke, I would stay home.

Merkel: "Refugees will change...

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