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Nursery Rhyme Jokes

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite nursery rhyme.

Mary had a little watch,

she swallowed it one day.

Then Mary took a laxative

to pass the time away.

Well, time went on and time went on,

and time still wouldn't pass.

So, if you want to know what time it is,

just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^H...

I’m not sure if “Humpty Dumpty” is a good nursery rhyme or not...

... I’m kinda on the fence about it.

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

Russian Nursery Rhyme

The incy wincy conrade
Was tugging at his chain
About rights of workers
He complain

The secret police
Am get order to restrain
And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again

What's a priest's favorite nursery rhyme?

Little Boy Blue

Classic nursery rhyme

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each had a quarter.

Jill came down with fifty cents, you think they went for water?

My favourite Greek nursery rhyme

ϱ ϱ ϱ your boat

What is a kid artist’s favourite nursery rhyme?

Pop goes the easel.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey.

She stuck in her thumb and pulled out a plum

And said, "I'm in the wrong nursery rhyme!"


Okay, I'll try another one...


Little Jack Horner sat in a corner

Eating his Christmas pie.

Along came a spider who sat down beside him...

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Blonde jokes

1. Why don't blondes like to make kool aid? They can't fit 8 quarters of water in that little package

2. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm

3. How does a blonde turn on a light after sex? She opens the car door

4. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitch...

What is Donald Trump's favourite nursery rhyme?

Barack a bye baby

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

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