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Religiously Jokes

I exercise religiously

I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.

I floss religiously.

Every Easter and Christmas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Warning: to some, this joke is sexist / religiously offensive (but I don't agree)

Three men die and go to heaven.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says to them, "Congratulations; you made it into heaven! God has one rule, however, which is: **YOU CANNOT STEP ON, KILL, OR TOUCH A DUCK.** If you do, you will be punished.**"**

The men think this is rath...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do...

I go to the gym religiously...

About 2 times a year around the holidays.

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor...

....if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.

She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40...

I exercise religiously.

I was on the treadmill earlier praying that it would stop.

I am not worried about getting sick. I wash my hands religiously.

Every Christmas and Easter.

I know a guy who religiously gets his teeth checked once per week

. He's a Seventh Day A Dentist

If body builders religiously try to gain weight..

Does that mean they go to the gym for mass?

My Doctor says I need to start exercising religiously.

So now I hit the gym on Christmas and Easter.

This year I've decided I'm going to exercise religiously...

That means I'm going to work out on Easter and Christmas and I'm done.

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