Rang Jokes - 115 Hilarious Rang Jokes

My neighboor rang my doorbell at 5 am..

Luckily I was already up, playing drums.

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A kid dressed all in red rang my doorbell and said, "Trick or Treat!" I said to him, "dude Halloween was yesterday."

He replied "I know. I'm a period, I'm sorry I'm late."

Bloody twat earned all of my leftover candy.

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

I rang my brothers house....

...and his six year old son, Billy, answered the phone.

"Hey Billy" I said "Is your Dad there?

"Yes" he answered is a whisper. "But he's busy."

"What about your Mum?" I said

"She's busy too", he replied, but again in a whisper I could barely hear.

"What are ...

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I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a wee cough"

The boss said "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!"

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

The Wife just rang to tell me "Three girls in the office have just received flowers from their Men, they're absolutely gorgeous"

I said......... "Thats probably why they received flowers!"

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Rang a tantric sex line earlier

I was on hold for ages

It was great

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

By mistake his Phone rang in Church during prayers...

The Priest scolded him ...

After prayers, the congregation admonished him for interrupting the silence.

His wife lectured him on his carelessness until they got home.

One could see the shame, embarrassment n humiliation on his face !!

*He has never stepped into the Church...

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Two cowboys are out riding the range and talking about their favorite sex positions

The first cowboy says the “rodeo” position is his favorite.

The second cowboy says he’s never heard of it before and asks how to do it.

The first cowboy responds, “Well, you mount your lady from behind then reach down and grab her tits. Then you whisper ‘these feel almost as good as ...

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

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My publisher just rang

Apparently my book “Sex with herbs” is finally being printed and will be in the shops soon.
It’s about fucking thyme

A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

My mate rang me and asked,

My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

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Celibacy or .....

Before being ordained 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks. Anyone whose bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved fanny danced before each one. 1st priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached last p...

Man was having a drink in the pub when the phone rang

he reached the pocket and answered, the wife asked him : "sweetheart, I'm going to the mall and I just took 1000 dollars from your desk, is that okay ?"

"absolutely", he answers, "treat yourself"

"thank you, but can I take 500 dollars more ?, my friend suggested me ...

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Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

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A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

The husband entered the shower, when his wife had just finished washing herself and left the bathroom.

Suddenly, the door-bell rang.
The wife quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran to open the door.
A neighbour, Jack, was standing there.
Seeing the woman, he said: “I’ll give you 1000$, if you take off the towel”.
After thinking for 5–10 seconds, the woman took off the towel.
The ne...

My crazy neighbour rang my doorbell aggressively at 3 A.M.

I almost dropped my drilling machine!

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!”

“It’s worse than that,” said the man, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

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A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and would be IMMENSELY good in bed".

Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts.

Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Scott Morrison rang the Queen...

..."Make Australia a Kingdom", he said, "and I'll be the king."

The Queen replied "I will make it a country, and you can stay what you are..."

I rang my boss last night...

I asked "What's the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?"

I'm not coming in tomorrow.

Maurice and Sadie were woken up in the middle of the night when the phone rang

Sadie answered and said "How the hell should I know? It's 100 miles away!"

Maurice asked who it was and Sadie replied, "Some mad woman wanting to know if the coast was clear."

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A woman was having a shower

when the door-bell rang.

"It's the blind man" he called.

That's ok, she thought so she quickly ran downstairs naked to open the door.

"Nice tits" he said. "Now, where do you want those blinds?"

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat

She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

A local congressman was sitting in his office when the phone rang.

He picked it up, said little, smiled widely, said "Thank you," and hung up the phone.
He picked the phone back up to call his mother. "Mom, it’s me,"he said. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" she said in response to the news.
"Does it really matter how I did it?" he replied.

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down ...

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

I was in a hotel the other week and the phone next to my bed rang - they said “hi, it’s reception - it’s 7am and you’re quite overweight for your age”.

I’ll tell you, it was a wake-up call.

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.

One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...

I rang a local escort agency and asked for a BJ....

She put me through to their head office

It was two o'clock in the morning...

...and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (paused for a few seconds) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replie...

Sylvester Stallone has launched a new range of cakes. I would highly recommend them.

They are the best thing since Sly's bread.

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My mom was on a toilet when a phone rang

She was already finished so she said: "I'm gonna get it!"

I needed to use the toilet badly so I went in after her and noticed she forgot to flush. It wasn't a big deal, I just performed my needs and flushed for both of us.

When my mom found out that I flushed the toilet, she wasn't too...

The cashier chuckled when he rang up my total.

I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.

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My Patient just told me this joke and i can't stop laughing

George was turning 90 this week and his friends thought of doing something special for him. So they planned to contact a high class Escort service and send him a nice surprise.

On his birthday, around 9 pm, when he was alone at home, the doorbell rang. George thought - who could it b...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.

After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"

The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."

I rang Sea World this morning ...

They said my call was being recorded for training Porpoises

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Jenny just got out of the shower, and was wearing just a towel, when the doorbell rang

She answered the door, and it was their neighbor, Ted. Ted says, "Oh my god Jenny, you look so sexy, in nothing but that towel."

She appreciates the compliment, but feels a bit uneasy, when Ted continues, "I'll tell you what - I'll give you $500 cash right now to drop that towel and show me ...

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Someone rang the doorbell while I was masturbating...

"One sec, I'm coming!"

My neighbour rang my doorbell at 2 am...

I got out of bed, opened the door and he asked me:
"Do you have garlic?"
I searched the kitchen, but with no luck. So I told him:
"No, I don't have garlic." and closed the door. After an hour or so I managed to get asleep again.
Then the neighbour rang the doorbell again at 4 am,...

One day Mr. Johnson was sitting alone in his house when the phone rang. Mr. Johnson answered it. "Who is this?" he asked.

"I am the viper," said the voice on the other line. "I'll be at your house in an hour."

Mr. Johnson laughed and hung up the phone. "He's just playing a prank on me," he said, and went back to what he was doing.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang again. "Who is this?" asked Mr. Johns...

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"

I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what ti...

I quit my job today after my boss rang out of money and could only pay me in vegetables...

Told him i could not live on that celery....

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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

I rang up Verizon. I said : "I want to report a nuisance caller".

"Not you again" he said

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

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ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

I rang the RSPCA hotline...

I rang the RSPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road

"Are they moving?" asked the operator

"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

So I rang the tourist office and asked:-

'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.'

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I ...

A gorilla came to my house and rang the bell

*King kong!*

The bell rang at school......

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes...

What do you give a country that hasn't rang it's bell for war in 100 years?

A no bell peace prize.

Once a drunk husband arrived late at his home, He rang the bell..

Wife : where have you been till this late, I am not going to open the door. Sleep outside on the road tonight.

There was a well beside their house.

Husband : I'll Jump into well If you don't open the door.

Wife : Do whatever you have to do, I won't open the door tonight.
...

I rang up my local pub the other day.

I said, “Is this the local pub?”

They said, “It depends where you're calling from.”

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Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second ...

Why do mountain ranges make such good comedians?

Because they're HILL-AREAS!

A man really hated his wife’s cat. One day, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go. When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home.

Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few miles across the city and tossed it out the car again. Upon returning home, he was astonished to see that the cat had beat him home again.

Determined at this point, the man took the cat and drove him across the city, over the river, thro...

In the middle of the night, the phone rang

"What time does the library open, sir?", a man asks

"9 o'clock", answered the head of the library feeling upset for his sleep being disturbed

"Can you open it sooner, I wanna get out"

The doorbell rang so the son went to open the door.

- Who is it?
- I'm the house owner, I'm here to collect rent.
- Mom! It's the owner. Do you have money or should I go play outside again?

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I was having anal with my girlfriend when the phone rang

Wife: Where are you?
Me: Um, in deep shit?

I had the Funeral March set as the ringtone for when my mother-in-law rang my phone.

It worked seamlessly until she rang me by mistake when she was in our house.

Rang in sick at work today.

Whats wrong my boss asked?
"I have a problem with my eyes" i said
"conjunctivitis?" asked my boss.
"No i just can't see my self working" i replied.

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law said.

“I am wearing my love dress.”

“Love dress? But you’re naked!” said the mother-in-law.

“My husband loves me to wear this dress,” she explained.

The mothe...

The phone rang, and the kidnapper says I have your wife.

Now, pay be $1 million or I'll give her back to you.

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The phone rang in the principal's office...

Principal: "Hello?"

Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."

Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"

Caller: "Umm my dad."

A woman, tired of being alone, posts a personal ad

In the ad, she says she's looking for a man who won't beat her, won't walk out on her, and can please her in bed.

A few days later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and is surprised to find a man on her doorstep with no arms or legs. "I'm here about the personal ad," the man says casual...

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she'd been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang.

There stood her date.

He took one look at her and said "I'm two ho...

Insolence! Tonight my neighbor actually rang my bell at 4 o'clock in the morning!

I almost dropped the drilling machine.

What vocal range do Lockpickers sing in?

Falsetto

(followed by counter rotation, click out of three)

I was home alone, staying with a friend, on holiday in Germany when the phone suddenly rang...

“I am the viper. I am coming in three days.”
I thought it was a prank call, so gave it no thought. I laughed at the peculiarity and hung up.
The next day, I was alone in my friend’s house again, when the phone rang for a second time.
“I am the viper. I am coming in two days.”
This time, ...

I was in the bath when the doorbell rang.

I hopped out and ran to answer it. When I did, there was a policeman standing there. He said, "Sir, you are under arrest."

I said, "What? What for?!"

He said, "Indecent exposure."

My girlfriend messaged me to say she’s breaking up with me because I’m too childish. So I marched over to her house, rang her door bell and ran away

That’ll teach her

I rang the hotel receptionist last night, and asked them for a wake up call.

She said "You´re 30 years old, still single, still living with your mother, and you´ve achieved absolutely nothing in life".

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”

A lady was peacefully having a shower when the bell rang

'Who is it' shouted the lady, looking for some clothes.

'It's the blind man', seeing that the man is blind she went to the door nacked. The man said,

'I'm lost can you help me'.

PLOT TWIST THE MAN IS BLIND

When four of Santa's elves got sick...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When went to harness the reindeer, he fou...

Alliance Motors are saying that the latest Range Rover is a Marvel.

DC must be jealous.

So there was once a man that rang Big Ben before there was an electric bell

One day unfortunately the man died after many years of doing his job. Naturally they had to find a replacement.

So after a few interviews a man with no arms comes up and requests the job, the interviewers are confused but he asks to demonstrate.

The man walks right to the edge of the t...

The last man on Earth was sitting alone in a room, when all of a sudden his phone rang...

“We’ve updated our privacy policy.”

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Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar....

He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and sh...

On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.

He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"

PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."

General: "Do you know who this is?"

PFC: "No."

General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"

PFC: "Well, do you know who this is...

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door b...

A free range child is a sign of a good mother.

Unless she's a cannibal, which makes it a sign of a good farmer.

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"

She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college?

About thirty thousand dollars a year.

Why did the dog run into the corner every time the door bell rang?

because he is a Boxer

Someone rang me up today and tried to sell me a coffin.

I said that's the last thing I need.

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Friends intervened to get a guy married who was spending way too much time and money on hookers. They set him up with a sweet gal and sure enough love bloomed, bells rang and off they went on their honeymoon.

His buddies jumped on him soon as they got back.
"So how was it? Better than shagging pros right? Come on tell us."
He looked pensive.
"Come on!"
"Well, the sex was great the first night. We pretty much knocked each other out."
"Told ya!"
"But I screwed up. Before nodding off, out ...

I rang my wife, "Hey babe, I'm at the hospital, I cut off my finger." "Oh no, the whole finger?" she asked.

"No, no..." I replied, "the one next to it."

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My mate just rang me in tears. His wife has left him and taken his Bob Marley collection and satellite dish!

I pity the poor bastard

No Woman No Sky!

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A woman was having sex with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang

And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.

As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry

"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.

he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with ...

Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet...

A worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the woman on the phone, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and...

What was Lawrence Welk's favorite mountain range?

The Polkanos.

3 nuns are travelling in a bus when it crashes...

All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.

He said to the nuns, "Before I can let you in to heaven you each have to answer a question."

To the first nun, St Peter asks "Where did Adam meet the first wo...

I rang a gym yesterday and asked them if they could teach me to do the splits

"How flexible are you?" they asked

"Well I can't do Tuesday's"

I attack you with an ancient Korean ranged weapon...

Hwacha gonna do about that?

We should get a gang of us and go to the shooting range.

And have a gang bang.

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door.

“Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”

The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

The man replied, “I know, but our neighbors did.”

My local church went bankrupt and someone turned it into a gun range.

The community didn't like it, but it already had pew pew pews.

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Three cowboys are out on the range (long).

It's been a long day and all are hungry. The first cowboy rummages in his saddlebags and pulls out a strip of meat to munch on.

"Got any more of that?" asks the second

"Nope. But I can show you where to get some: the bacon-tree."

"The whut?"

"The bacon-tree. It's two hour...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.

His last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it."...

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

Going to the gun range is a pretty fun activity for its price

You get the most bang for your buck

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A sniper and his spotter are practicing on the range...

The sniper shoulders the spotter and says "Buddy I hate to be the one to tell you but I just scoped back over towards the barracks and your wife is cheating on you with the XO." The spotter gets a grim look in his eyes and mutters "Shoot the bitch in the head and the bastard in the balls." The snipe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After the death of her husband, a woman puts a sign on her front porch...

The sign states that any man who: 1. Will treat her nicely, 2. Won't leave her, and 3. Who is good in bed can stay with her. A few days later, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms and legs. He says, "I'm here regarding the sign on your front porch. As you ca...

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