Quits Jokes - 13 Hilarious Quits Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

what do you call a priest who quits to become a lawyer?

..... a father in law.

I had to call it quits

I tried adopting a puppy, but it was so hard, I had to call it quits.

Anyways, so this is my puppy, Quits.

A proctologist quits his job...

A proctologist named Bill decides he is tired of practicing medicine and quits his job to pursue his dream of being a car mechanic. He enrolls in a trade school and after some time the final exam is given. The test solely consists of disassembling and reassembling a car engine. The teacher tells the...

Trump quits US actors' union

Makes sense, why stay with a union after quitting your career in showbusiness?

Daft Punk calls it quits

Maybe if we get lucky, they will get together one more time.

A young woman, let's call her Emma...

... Loses her arms in a tragic bear accident. After healing, she decides to go get a job. The local church decides to find her some work she can do even without arms. She is hired as the new organ player.

Needless to say, her first day as an organ player goes poorly. She quits in shame.
...

Local hospital forced to shut down after obstetrician quits suddenly

They're having a midwife crises

what do you call it when butcher suddenly quits his job?

going cold turkey

A doorman quits his job.

He just couldn't handle it anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a guy who lives in Ohio

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and ...

Genie quits working after a severe disagreement with master.

He rubbed her the wrong way.

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.

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