lmao

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’

LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”

“If your name is Michael, please stand up”

Then a couple dudes stand up

And he goes “That concludes the mike check”



stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi

What does a French cat say?

LMAO

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This asshole thought that just because some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave inbetween cars. So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit lmao

Fuckin ambulances I swear

An husband and wife are on a holiday in Jerusalem

Unfortunately, the husband dies of a heart attack during the holiday.

The person from the funeral company says to the wife "We have two options- we can bring his body back home to the US, but because of the flights et cetera, it will cost you an expensive $10,000. Or we can go with the nice, ...

14 year old brother said this

Lmao maybe not funny to some, but I thought it was clever. He said "gonna make a one man human centipede... call that a roly poly!"

Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.

"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor. "You ran face first into a wall. LMAO".

Traffic laws:

Britain: Drive on the left side

Europe and America: Drive on the right side

India: Lmao what's a "traffic law"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not saying LMAO anymore

I'm saying laughing my ass off. I've got time to type it out

Do you know what Mao, the first leader of communist China, becomes when he laughs

LMAO

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephant says to Camel "Lmao you got 2 Boobs on your back"

"With a face like yours, I'd shut the fuck up" goes Camel.

What is the name of Mao's funny brother?

Lmao

I am a Compulsive liar

Lmao I'm not

What do you call a dating website for QAnon believers?

Qpid

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BTW it's about Cupid not stupid, just in case anyone gets offended lmao

Personally, I'm fed up with LOL, ROFL, and LMAO.

I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.

A Level Physics lmao

Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?




Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

Courtesy of my four year old

Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

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