LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”

“If your name is Michael, please stand up”

Then a couple dudes stand up

And he goes “That concludes the mike check”



stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi

What do you call a dating website for QAnon believers?

Qpid

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BTW it's about Cupid not stupid, just in case anyone gets offended lmao

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This asshole thought that just because some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave inbetween cars. So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit lmao

Fuckin ambulances I swear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not saying LMAO anymore

I'm saying laughing my ass off. I've got time to type it out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephant says to Camel "Lmao you got 2 Boobs on your back"

"With a face like yours, I'd shut the fuck up" goes Camel.

Personally, I'm fed up with LOL, ROFL, and LMAO.

I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.

A Level Physics lmao

Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?




Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

Courtesy of my four year old

Q: What do baby corns call their daddy?

A: Popcorn

My 7/yo sister said this at the dinner table while me and my dad were talking: What did one paper say to the other?

Nothing. Paper doesn't talk. That's how I want you to be. Like paper.

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